But you’re so pretty…

June 26, 2009

I know you all have heard this. Let me count the ways:
- You’re so pretty, if you could only lose a few pounds…
- Yes you may be overweight, but you’re so pretty!
- Aw, what a pretty smile you have (or hair or teeth or skin… insert body part here.)

Ok, got it. I am thankful that you think I’m pretty. OR, am I really? Are you just saying that to make me feel better?/neurotic

I always loved the retort to someone yelling “fat ass”
“Yeah, well I can always lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.” or whatever version suits you best.

But still, pretty face, pretty hair, whatever- it’s not what people see who are in the general public.

I could go on for days about my social anxiety. It’s gotten worse the more overweight I got. Skinny friends think it’s nuts, but they aren’t the ones who have to worry about people thinking that they’re lazy slobs who don’t exercise and eat buckets of KFC all day. I know several skinny people who do that, but they don’t have to live with the physical fat stigma.

If you add all the months together, I’ve literally gone years without socializing. I didn’t want to have to worry if people would accept me or not. I took the chicken shit way out. And I had zero friends to show for it.

When I weighed before I started this journey again, I was becoming that hermit again. It’s easy. It’s safe. It’s comfortable. I like being at home. I like having time to myself. But it’s not healthy. I chose avoidance over courage. And I didn’t give myself or my (sparkling) personality the opportunity to shine.

So, whether you’re big or small, try to look past the fat- pretty face or not. I’ll try to keep my anxiety in during social situations where I’m walking around wondering if someone will reciprocate a smile or an introduction. Or if my ass will fit in whatever seat/bar stool/bench is at an event. Or if I will look like a pig for eating a bacon-wrapped-lil-smoke (zero carbs!).

It’s 1 more step to becoming Skinny Emmie. Releasing the heavy baggage of a million excuses that surround me when I’m around people.

I’ll make my effort, just give me the chance.

  • http://singwithoutareason.blogger.com TashaLee

    You’re blogging my life, really you are. Glad to know that there is someone I can share the feeling with.

  • http://singwithoutareason.blogger.com/ TashaLee

    You’re blogging my life, really you are. Glad to know that there is someone I can share the feeling with.

  • http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-10387-Easy-Meals-Examiner Liz Brooks

    I never would have thought you were shy when I met you! I am terribly shy-for no real reason other than I am a total nerd.

  • http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-10387-Easy-Meals-Examiner Liz Brooks

    I never would have thought you were shy when I met you! I am terribly shy-for no real reason other than I am a total nerd.

  • anne

    emmie my darling. you have always had me. you haven’t been friendless in…….12 years now (how can it be that long since we met?). though there may be miles between us you will always be very near to my heart. I will not bore you with trite reassurances you have heard before. you are a sun in my sky. never forget that <3

  • anne

    emmie my darling. you have always had me. you haven’t been friendless in…….12 years now (how can it be that long since we met?). though there may be miles between us you will always be very near to my heart. I will not bore you with trite reassurances you have heard before. you are a sun in my sky. never forget that <3

  • http://dansherman.info/ Dan Sherman

    For reasons entirely my own, I can definitely relate to your social anxiety. I am extremely nervous whenever I attend social events. I’m aways afraid I’m going to live through one of those moments right out of TV and movies where everyone is standing around me pointing and laughing. There was actually a period where I didn’t leave the house for nine months (long before I met my wife) except to shop for groceries. I remember those trips being so bad at times that I would have nightmares that Captain Crunch was going to hop off the box and attack me.

    Anyway, returning from the land of TMI, I just wanted to comment on how awesome your blog is. Not just the design, but for having the strength to write about a topic that many struggle with but few have the courage to speak out about. Keep it up.

  • http://dansherman.info Dan Sherman

    For reasons entirely my own, I can definitely relate to your social anxiety. I am extremely nervous whenever I attend social events. I’m aways afraid I’m going to live through one of those moments right out of TV and movies where everyone is standing around me pointing and laughing. There was actually a period where I didn’t leave the house for nine months (long before I met my wife) except to shop for groceries. I remember those trips being so bad at times that I would have nightmares that Captain Crunch was going to hop off the box and attack me.

    Anyway, returning from the land of TMI, I just wanted to comment on how awesome your blog is. Not just the design, but for having the strength to write about a topic that many struggle with but few have the courage to speak out about. Keep it up.

  • http://www.authenticallyemmie.com skinnyemmie

    Tasha- I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only one who has these feelings. I thought I was just neurotic, but I guess I’m not!

    Liz- Ooh, that night was HARD. Glad I faked it well ;) And you weren’t shy at all!

    Anne- oh my Anna Banana (did you know my mom called you that?). 2003-2004 were really hard years for me. Being in Boston, you didn’t have to see it, and I’m glad you didn’t. It was easy for me to hide it from you. You’ve always been there for me, I know that. You’re my rock- always.

    Dan- For what it’s worth, you didn’t seem nervous at all last night at the Tweetup and that was a bigger event (for me at least). I know what you mean about fears about those TV moments. I have been there. Thanks for sharing your experiences. And thanks for the blog compliments. It’s been a very cathartic process, even though it’s only been up a week or so!

  • http://authenticallyemmie.com Skinny Emmie

    Tasha- I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only one who has these feelings. I thought I was just neurotic, but I guess I’m not!

    Liz- Ooh, that night was HARD. Glad I faked it well ;) And you weren’t shy at all!

    Anne- oh my Anna Banana (did you know my mom called you that?). 2003-2004 were really hard years for me. Being in Boston, you didn’t have to see it, and I’m glad you didn’t. It was easy for me to hide it from you. You’ve always been there for me, I know that. You’re my rock- always.

    Dan- For what it’s worth, you didn’t seem nervous at all last night at the Tweetup and that was a bigger event (for me at least). I know what you mean about fears about those TV moments. I have been there. Thanks for sharing your experiences. And thanks for the blog compliments. It’s been a very cathartic process, even though it’s only been up a week or so!

  • http://onenerveleft.blogspot.com/ Lizz B

    Losing weight AND losing baggage. Oooohhhh double duty. I can’t imagine how much the stigma itself weighs on you. :( I hope you come to the Tampa meet up, so I can meet something more real than a (PRETTY) picture! I have a feeling you are a hoot!
    .-= Lizz B´s last blog ..Justin Timberlake Loves Me More and I Can Prove It =-.

  • http://onenerveleft.blogspot.com Lizz B

    Losing weight AND losing baggage. Oooohhhh double duty. I can’t imagine how much the stigma itself weighs on you. :( I hope you come to the Tampa meet up, so I can meet something more real than a (PRETTY) picture! I have a feeling you are a hoot!
    .-= Lizz B´s last blog ..Justin Timberlake Loves Me More and I Can Prove It =-.

  • Robin

    I’m soooo glad to finally hear you are starting to see in yourself what others that know you see. I wish I could be more like you!!! You are the most courageous person I know!!! I’m so proud to say I KNOW “SKINNY EMMIE” ; ) Keep up the GREAT work your doing!

  • Robin

    I’m soooo glad to finally hear you are starting to see in yourself what others that know you see. I wish I could be more like you!!! You are the most courageous person I know!!! I’m so proud to say I KNOW “SKINNY EMMIE” ; ) Keep up the GREAT work your doing!

  • http://www.authenticallyemmie.com skinnyemmie

    Lizz- I don’t think my hips are ready for airplane seats yet, so I might have to wait for the next meet up :(

    Robin- thanks for the support- and my always faboosh hair cuts! ;)

  • http://authenticallyemmie.com Skinny Emmie

    Lizz- I don’t think my hips are ready for airplane seats yet, so I might have to wait for the next meet up :(

    Robin- thanks for the support- and my always faboosh hair cuts! ;)

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