I know you all have heard this. Let me count the ways:
– You’re so pretty, if you could only lose a few pounds…
– Yes you may be overweight, but you’re so pretty!
– Aw, what a pretty smile you have (or hair or teeth or skin… insert body part here.)
Ok, got it. I am thankful that you think I’m pretty. OR, am I really? Are you just saying that to make me feel better?/neurotic
I always loved the retort to someone yelling “fat ass”
“Yeah, well I can always lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.” or whatever version suits you best.
But still, pretty face, pretty hair, whatever- it’s not what people see who are in the general public.
I could go on for days about my social anxiety. It’s gotten worse the more overweight I got. Skinny friends think it’s nuts, but they aren’t the ones who have to worry about people thinking that they’re lazy slobs who don’t exercise and eat buckets of KFC all day. I know several skinny people who do that, but they don’t have to live with the physical fat stigma.
If you add all the months together, I’ve literally gone years without socializing. I didn’t want to have to worry if people would accept me or not. I took the chicken shit way out. And I had zero friends to show for it.
When I weighed before I started this journey again, I was becoming that hermit again. It’s easy. It’s safe. It’s comfortable. I like being at home. I like having time to myself. But it’s not healthy. I chose avoidance over courage. And I didn’t give myself or my (sparkling) personality the opportunity to shine.
So, whether you’re big or small, try to look past the fat- pretty face or not. I’ll try to keep my anxiety in during social situations where I’m walking around wondering if someone will reciprocate a smile or an introduction. Or if my ass will fit in whatever seat/bar stool/bench is at an event. Or if I will look like a pig for eating a bacon-wrapped-lil-smoke (zero carbs!).
It’s 1 more step to becoming Skinny Emmie. Releasing the heavy baggage of a million excuses that surround me when I’m around people.
I’ll make my effort, just give me the chance.