So, I got a couple emails from people asking where my posts have been for this week.
I was traveling last week for my new job: Knoxville, Nashville, Cincinnati and Indianapolis. I was very glad that I stayed on my food plan and didn’t have any hiccups. Eating on the road is not fun, nor does it taste great. I’m double-cheeseburger-with-no-bun-or-ketchup’ed out.
I used to LOVE traveling. I wanted to go all over the world. I have flown many, many times, and have the hundreds of thousands of frequent flyer miles to prove it. I love airports: people watching, imagining what awaits people who are traveling to Fargo, ND versus those flying to Key Largo, FL. I used to want to be a flight attendant, but once I learned they had weight restrictions, that dream was dashed. Being a commercial pilot would also be fun, I used to think. This was before my massive college weight gain.
Now, I hate flying. I have a completely irrational fear that comes over me about fitting in the airplane seat, getting a seatbelt extender, wondering if the person next to me will say something or complain. Or worst of all, if the airline will make me buy a 2nd ticket because I “spill over” into the next seat. Even though Southwest Airlines is the one where this practice happens most frequently, other airlines have policies that are in place to the same effect. Take a look at poor Lorrie’s story over at Token Fat Girl.
I know the weight I need to be at to not need a seatbelt extender. I’m far from that weight right now. Yet tomorrow morning, I have to hop a US Airways flight to Raleigh. Usually, I’m OCD about going online and scoping out the seat map and trying to change my seat based on how full or empty the airplane is. Problem with these flights tomorrow? They’re full. I’m assigned to a Window on the first flight (which is actually my preference) and on the 2nd flight, AN EFFING MIDDLE SEAT!!! Oh dear Lord, please help me. I can’t switch my seat online. The only seats that are available are “Choice” seats and are reserved for frequent flyers with a certain mileage status (I don’t have it with them, my flights are all usually Delta).
My only option is to plead with the gate agent tomorrow morning. I know he/she will be thinking “oh, look at the fatty trying to get a better seat. how sad.” If the flight is as full as it looks, I might be shit out of luck.
Then, no matter WHAT seat I get, I still have to ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extender. Some flight attendants are discreet about it, others are very blatant about it. I always try to board as early as possible to try to get my seat and figure out how to squish the fat to make the armrest go down and to find the ends of the seatbelt so I don’t have to search under my ass when the passenger next to me sits down.
And the armrest. I want it down as much as the next person. I usually have been okay with this. The problem arises, however, when the armrest is down and my hips permenantly depress the “recline” button on the inside of the seat. Can’t have that for takeoff and landing (I’m not a big recliner anyway- hate it when it’s done to me, so I don’t do it to others.) so I have to literally contract all my stomach muscles to keep myself upright, and all weight off the back of the seat so I don’t accidentally recline when I’m not supposed to.
Among other complaints, this arm rest predicament also makes it nearly impossible to watch movies with the headphone jack that goes on the inside of the arm rest. Thankfully tomorrows flights are pretty short (1.5 hours and 1 hour), so no movie needed. And as predicted, the table tray also doesn’t work, so I either forgo the drink or I hold it in my hands, chug it, then give it back to the flight attendant on her next trip down the aisle.
So, please shoot me good vibes very early tomorrow morning. I will be taking an anti-anxiety pill before heading to bed.