Yes, I'm a Gleek. This Glee mashup is way better than Usher's version of the song. Usher's original makes me mad. Cheatin' fool.
So these are my confessions:
- My head has been up my ass for a while
- I've been in a funky mood (as noted before)
- I've been eating crap, crap, crap
- I haven't exercised one iota
The past couple of months, I've been maintaining. I'd eat a carby meal (not necessarily gorging) like oatmeal from Starbucks, a slice of banana bread, some wheat toast. Then I'd eat low carb meals. It all balanced out.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, I went to Atlanta for work. Ugh, the shame spiral of the not fitting in the airplane seat was ever present again. So annoying. The flight there was fine- had the row to myself. Unfortunately, the flight home was packed. Embarrassingly enough, when they shut the cabin door, they told us at the front of the plane that 2 people needed to move to the back because there was a weight imbalance. I swear she looked right at me. I could have for sure been 2 people. Or 3 if they were little people. The girl next to me jumped up, but so did 2 other people, and the flight attendant told the other 2 to go to the back of the plane. I felt so bad for the girl, and mad at myself for being in the same situation I have been in for too long now. As I have blogged about a million times.
While in Atlanta, I had a few bad things, such as some pumpernickel bread, or a roll with dinner. And I drank some dirty martini's and Blue Moon's while I was out with friends there. The swanky bar we went to on the hotel rooftop made me feel even more inadequate. People in their cocktail dresses or suits.
When I got home, my bag had been left in Atlanta. How it fails to just get on the plane for a direct flight and not make it, when I was at the airport on time and then the flight was delayed 45 minutes is beyond me. Knowing I had no food in the fridge and was tired and didn't want to run out somewhere, I did the easy thing on my way home, and picked up fast food. Not even sure what it was now- might have been Taco Hell.
Thus the crap-eating-spiral began. Last week, I consumed the following:
- “Elvis” pancakes (pancakes with chocolate, peanut butter and bananas)
- Multiple thin crust pizzas from Papa Johns
- A couple Pizza Hut pizzas
- McDonald's southern chicken sandwich and a large french fry
- Hardees blueberry biscuits, large hash browns and some sausage biscuit thing that had gravy on it
- Sushi (not bad, but it had white rice)
- Chinese take out
- Taco Hell- bean burritos without red sauce, soft tacos
- Multiple bags of movie theater butter popcorn
- Lots of Michelob Ultra
- Arbys: beef and cheddar (this was kind of gross, but still ate 3/4 of it), large curly fries, small jamocha shake
- A container of Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
- 3 Subway cookies
- 2 Krispy Kreme donuts
I probably won't have any readers after seeing that gluttonous list, but I had to post it. I have to be honest with myself. I don't know why I ate all that shit. Honestly. It didn't taste great. It left me tired afterwards. Sugar crashes. Feeling of being so full I could burst. I felt like I was 455 pounds all over again (my highest weight).
I ended up weighing today and I'm up 5 pounds. And honestly? I'm glad it was ONLY 5 pounds. I thought it'd be around 9 or 10.
So today is yet ANOTHER restart for me. I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought everything I needed to be successful for the week. Today, I've drank over a gallon of water, only my 1 Starbucks (instead of sucking down coffee all day), and have consumed exactly 20 net carbs and a whopping 206g of protein!
Anyway, wanted to confess my food sins. Back on track now. Feeling positive about it 🙂