These are my confessions

Yes, I’m a Gleek. This Glee mashup is way better than Usher’s version of the song. Usher’s original makes me mad. Cheatin’ fool.

So these are my confessions:

  • My head has been up my ass for a while
  • I’ve been in a funky mood (as noted before)
  • I’ve been eating crap, crap, crap
  • I haven’t exercised one iota

The past couple of months, I’ve been maintaining. I’d eat a carby meal (not necessarily gorging) like oatmeal from Starbucks, a slice of banana bread, some wheat toast. Then I’d eat low carb meals. It all balanced out.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I went to Atlanta for work. Ugh, the shame spiral of the not fitting in the airplane seat was ever present again. So annoying. The flight there was fine- had the row to myself. Unfortunately, the flight home was packed. Embarrassingly enough, when they shut the cabin door, they told us at the front of the plane that 2 people needed to move to the back because there was a weight imbalance. I swear she looked right at me. I could have for sure been 2 people. Or 3 if they were little people. The girl next to me jumped up, but so did 2 other people, and the flight attendant told the other 2 to go to the back of the plane. I felt so bad for the girl, and mad at myself for being in the same situation I have been in for too long now. As I have blogged about a million times.

While in Atlanta, I had a few bad things, such as some pumpernickel bread, or a roll with dinner. And I drank some dirty martini’s and Blue Moon’s while I was out with friends there. The swanky bar we went to on the hotel rooftop made me feel even more inadequate. People in their cocktail dresses or suits.

When I got home, my bag had been left in Atlanta. How it fails to just get on the plane for a direct flight and not make it, when I was at the airport on time and then the flight was delayed 45 minutes is beyond me. Knowing I had no food in the fridge and was tired and didn’t want to run out somewhere, I did the easy thing on my way home, and picked up fast food. Not even sure what it was now- might have been Taco Hell.

Thus the crap-eating-spiral began. Last week, I consumed the following:

  • “Elvis” pancakes (pancakes with chocolate, peanut butter and bananas)
  • Multiple thin crust pizzas from Papa Johns
  • A couple Pizza Hut pizzas
  • McDonald’s southern chicken sandwich and a large french fry
  • Hardees blueberry biscuits, large hash browns and some sausage biscuit thing that had gravy on it
  • Sushi (not bad, but it had white rice)
  • Chinese take out
  • Taco Hell- bean burritos without red sauce, soft tacos
  • Multiple bags of movie theater butter popcorn
  • Lots of Michelob Ultra
  • Arbys: beef and cheddar (this was kind of gross, but still ate 3/4 of it), large curly fries, small jamocha shake
  • A container of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
  • 3 Subway cookies
  • 2 Krispy Kreme donuts

I probably won’t have any readers after seeing that gluttonous list, but I had to post it. I have to be honest with myself. I don’t know why I ate all that shit. Honestly. It didn’t taste great. It left me tired afterwards. Sugar crashes. Feeling of being so full I could burst. I felt like I was 455 pounds all over again (my highest weight).

I ended up weighing today and I’m up 5 pounds. And honestly? I’m glad it was ONLY 5 pounds. I thought it’d be around 9 or 10.

So today is yet ANOTHER restart for me. I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought everything I needed to be successful for the week. Today, I’ve drank over a gallon of water, only my 1 Starbucks (instead of sucking down coffee all day), and have consumed exactly 20 net carbs and a whopping 206g of protein!

Anyway, wanted to confess my food sins. Back on track now. Feeling positive about it :)

  • http://mothertongue.bloginky.com/ The Mother Tongue

    I’m still reading, and I’m in awe of your honesty and willingness to pick yourself back up and try again. Way to go! :)

    –Heather
    .-= The Mother Tongue´s last blog ..Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow… =-.

  • http://mothertongue.bloginky.com The Mother Tongue

    I’m still reading, and I’m in awe of your honesty and willingness to pick yourself back up and try again. Way to go! :)

    –Heather
    .-= The Mother Tongue´s last blog ..Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow… =-.

  • http://www.serifgroup.com/ Jackie

    Way to get back on track, and not get too far down, Emily! I’m having similar problems with working out and eating right. Once I got off track last year, I never got back on. Logging my worst time yet in a 5K this weekend, I woke up this morning ready to go back to the gym. No more wasting that monthly membership. It’s never too late to get back on track–right? I’m glad to see I’m not he only one who strayed.

  • http://www.serifgroup.com Jackie

    Way to get back on track, and not get too far down, Emily! I’m having similar problems with working out and eating right. Once I got off track last year, I never got back on. Logging my worst time yet in a 5K this weekend, I woke up this morning ready to go back to the gym. No more wasting that monthly membership. It’s never too late to get back on track–right? I’m glad to see I’m not he only one who strayed.

  • Jacki

    The problem with carbs is that they are EVERYWHERE and they are so damn easy. Eating healthy takes so much more effort :-P Sunday nights, I prepack little baggies of fruit for my daily snack at work; I pre-chop enough veggies for my morning omelets. But something happens to interrupt that little routine, and bam! It’s so easy to backslide. Good on you, girl, for getting back on track – and letting the rest of us know that we are not alone.

  • Jacki

    The problem with carbs is that they are EVERYWHERE and they are so damn easy. Eating healthy takes so much more effort :-P Sunday nights, I prepack little baggies of fruit for my daily snack at work; I pre-chop enough veggies for my morning omelets. But something happens to interrupt that little routine, and bam! It’s so easy to backslide. Good on you, girl, for getting back on track – and letting the rest of us know that we are not alone.

  • Alie

    Confessions are good for the soul. And I can totally relate to the “it didn’t taste that great.” It never does :(

  • Alie

    Confessions are good for the soul. And I can totally relate to the “it didn’t taste that great.” It never does :(

  • http://tudor-rosy.blogspot.com/ Tudor Rose

    I am so in awe of your bravery to post your food list. I know I couldn’t do that.

    Also, I borrowed my mom’s Glee DVDs (I’ve already seen all the eps, but not since they first aired) and I JUST saw that mashup scene before reading this!
    .-= Tudor Rose´s last blog ..taking advantage of being disadvantaged =-.

  • http://tudor-rosy.blogspot.com/ Tudor Rose

    I am so in awe of your bravery to post your food list. I know I couldn’t do that.

    Also, I borrowed my mom’s Glee DVDs (I’ve already seen all the eps, but not since they first aired) and I JUST saw that mashup scene before reading this!
    .-= Tudor Rose´s last blog ..taking advantage of being disadvantaged =-.

  • Emily

    Everyone gets in a rut, the key is being able to pull yourself back out of it before it gets too bad. Good for you :)

  • Emily

    Everyone gets in a rut, the key is being able to pull yourself back out of it before it gets too bad. Good for you :)

  • katie

    i think it’s important to not think in terms of “being good” or “being bad” because in the long-term, that can lead to feelings of defeat and self-destructive behavior (“what is the point of being good for the rest of the day now that i’ve been bad,” etc) (i speak from…LOTS of experience with that, ha). it might help a bit if you just think of it more as eating nutritiously/giving your body what it needs, or eating non-nutritiously/not properly fueling yourself. there is no way you should go the rest of your life without eating carbs!!!! everything in moderation.

    i cannot believe i just typed that out. i feel like such a hypocrite!! i mean it’s true, but my last week of eating really matches yours in so many ways. why is it so easy to say all this to someone else and not practice it yourself? for the record, before typing all this, i just ate half of a giant chocolate bar and now my pants feel extra-tight. so. there’s that.

    hang in there!

  • katie

    i think it’s important to not think in terms of “being good” or “being bad” because in the long-term, that can lead to feelings of defeat and self-destructive behavior (“what is the point of being good for the rest of the day now that i’ve been bad,” etc) (i speak from…LOTS of experience with that, ha). it might help a bit if you just think of it more as eating nutritiously/giving your body what it needs, or eating non-nutritiously/not properly fueling yourself. there is no way you should go the rest of your life without eating carbs!!!! everything in moderation.

    i cannot believe i just typed that out. i feel like such a hypocrite!! i mean it’s true, but my last week of eating really matches yours in so many ways. why is it so easy to say all this to someone else and not practice it yourself? for the record, before typing all this, i just ate half of a giant chocolate bar and now my pants feel extra-tight. so. there’s that.

    hang in there!

  • http://twopoundsawk.com/ Meg

    I am still a loyal reader! :) And I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think everyone has those weeks — I know I do! Just last night I ate a bunch of cheese balls, and I wasn’t even hungry. It just makes us all human, you know? I don’t know anyone that eats perfect all the time. You have the right attitude, and there’s nothing wrong with starting over. I guess that’s just all part of the journey of finding balance in eating. I’m still working on that one. :) I hope you have a great week!

  • http://twopoundsawk.com Meg

    I am still a loyal reader! :) And I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think everyone has those weeks — I know I do! Just last night I ate a bunch of cheese balls, and I wasn’t even hungry. It just makes us all human, you know? I don’t know anyone that eats perfect all the time. You have the right attitude, and there’s nothing wrong with starting over. I guess that’s just all part of the journey of finding balance in eating. I’m still working on that one. :) I hope you have a great week!

  • http://authenticallyemmie.com/ Skinny Emmie

    Wow, thanks so much for your comments! I’m so glad I haven’t gotten any “damn you fat pig” comments (yet)! Seriously.

    Before, I would have said “I ate some pizza, popcorn and ice cream.” But you know what? That’s not doing me any service. Until I start being honest about my behavior, I can’t get in the mindset to fix it. I’m so glad I’m not alone!

  • http://authenticallyemmie.com Skinny Emmie

    Wow, thanks so much for your comments! I’m so glad I haven’t gotten any “damn you fat pig” comments (yet)! Seriously.

    Before, I would have said “I ate some pizza, popcorn and ice cream.” But you know what? That’s not doing me any service. Until I start being honest about my behavior, I can’t get in the mindset to fix it. I’m so glad I’m not alone!

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  • Meaghen Ennis

    Tomorrow is another day…that is what I said to myself when I ate the delicious lemon cupcake that broke my low carb diet too!!! Good for you for getting back to the plan!

  • Meaghen Ennis

    Tomorrow is another day…that is what I said to myself when I ate the delicious lemon cupcake that broke my low carb diet too!!! Good for you for getting back to the plan!

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