I’m Quitting

I hate quitting. Only thing I’ve really ever quit before are weight loss attempts.

Before you freak out, I’m not quitting on my journey or anything like that.

As I wrote yesterday, I was having hubs hide my scale. He successfully completed his mission, and I am now scale-less. I had said I wouldn’t have him bring the scale out except for weigh in days. Now I’m wondering if once a month would be better.

I’m quitting the Plus Size Bloggers Summer 15 challenge. The goal was to lose 15 pounds by the first week in September. In order to complete the challenge, I have to post my weight every week. Right now I’m emotionally in a spot where I need to stop obsessing over numbers and start focusing just on my fitness.  So I quit.

This morning, I went through some of your comments on yesterday’s post when I said I was going to have hubs hide the scale. I get it. I say the same thing to people- stop stressing about the scale, you’re retaining water, just focus on taking your measurements, don’t let the scale get you down, etc.

When reading these things, my mind goes to a place of “BUTs:

  • BUT you’re skinny, I’m not
  • BUT you’re not as fat as me
  • BUT I’m so huge that I should be-need to be- dropping weight faster
  • BUT you’re at my goal weight

I know that is ridiculous. Everyone has their own struggles. Everyone comes from a place of individual experiences.  I tell myself (and that thing between this thick skull of mine) that I’m being stupid. Pull my head out of my ass. Be proud.

So, guys, sorry if I seem obsessive over the number of pounds I’m losing. I want to scream sometimes:

“I’M BOUNCING AROUND AT 400 POUNDS! THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ANYONE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I’M WORKING OUT!”

Then I tell myself I’m being stupid and try to go on with whatever I need to do for the day.

So, thanks for putting up with me. It’s hard living in this body where on the outside, society looks at you like a big, lazy slob. They don’t know my efforts. They don’t know my struggle. But you do. And that makes me feel like I can do this. :)

I made an impromptu video explaining this, so if you feel like it, check it or my other videos on YouTube out. Love you guys. For realz. (video might still be processing right now- check back in a sec if it’s not up yet)