I’m Quitting

June 24, 2010

I hate quitting. Only thing I’ve really ever quit before are weight loss attempts.

Before you freak out, I’m not quitting on my journey or anything like that.

As I wrote yesterday, I was having hubs hide my scale. He successfully completed his mission, and I am now scale-less. I had said I wouldn’t have him bring the scale out except for weigh in days. Now I’m wondering if once a month would be better.

I’m quitting the Plus Size Bloggers Summer 15 challenge. The goal was to lose 15 pounds by the first week in September. In order to complete the challenge, I have to post my weight every week. Right now I’m emotionally in a spot where I need to stop obsessing over numbers and start focusing just on my fitness.  So I quit.

This morning, I went through some of your comments on yesterday’s post when I said I was going to have hubs hide the scale. I get it. I say the same thing to people- stop stressing about the scale, you’re retaining water, just focus on taking your measurements, don’t let the scale get you down, etc.

When reading these things, my mind goes to a place of “BUTs:

  • BUT you’re skinny, I’m not
  • BUT you’re not as fat as me
  • BUT I’m so huge that I should be-need to be- dropping weight faster
  • BUT you’re at my goal weight

I know that is ridiculous. Everyone has their own struggles. Everyone comes from a place of individual experiences.  I tell myself (and that thing between this thick skull of mine) that I’m being stupid. Pull my head out of my ass. Be proud.

So, guys, sorry if I seem obsessive over the number of pounds I’m losing. I want to scream sometimes:

“I’M BOUNCING AROUND AT 400 POUNDS! THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ANYONE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I’M WORKING OUT!”

Then I tell myself I’m being stupid and try to go on with whatever I need to do for the day.

So, thanks for putting up with me. It’s hard living in this body where on the outside, society looks at you like a big, lazy slob. They don’t know my efforts. They don’t know my struggle. But you do. And that makes me feel like I can do this. :)

I made an impromptu video explaining this, so if you feel like it, check it or my other videos on YouTube out. Love you guys. For realz. (video might still be processing right now- check back in a sec if it’s not up yet)

  • http://washed-up.blogspot.com washedup

    thanks for you blog and your honesty.

  • http://twitter.com/LisaEirene Lisa Eirene

    Being obsessed with the scale is never healthy. I've been there. Seeing those numbers bounce around–up and down–and then feeling absolutely DEVASTATED when seeing the number RISE no matter how hard you're trying. It's frustrating and I hate that my life is sometimes effected by that stupid number. My goal should be fitness and health, not a number.

  • http://www.fatgirlsguidetoliving.com Tee

    Thanks for being so candid and wonderful (and adorable). That is all :)

  • http://www.biggirlbombshell.com Big Girl Bombshell

    Emmie, I will have to come back and check out the video later but girl I have SO been wear you are. I agree that often we think about what others think about us, because we have heard it so very often. But who is Emmie. Who is the Emmie you want the world to see? Take steps every day to get there…Count those steps not the marks on the scale…YOU CAN DO THIS>>>>>>>>>

  • http://www.whoatemyblog.com/ whoatemyblog

    That's a great idea about not weighing and focusing on fitness. I've struggled with the weight gains that are gonna happen when increasing or starting an exercise regimen.

  • beka

    I SO wish I was in Lexington so we could work out together. Or that you were in SC :) Love you Em! You're such an inspiration!

  • Schelinski

    ((hugs)) I am right there with you – with all of it. Hang in there! We'll get this!

  • anonymousfatgirl

    You can do it girl! I say the hell with the challenge AND the scale. :)

  • amber

    great video!

  • Landerson

    Emmie-the wonderful thing about you is just that You are YOU! Do whatever is best for your weight loss and you have lots of ppl supporting you! BIG-girl HUGS!

  • http://ivoryfrogs-lilypad.blogspot.com/ Nikki

    I think its a good idea to skip the scales for a little while, there are so many things that can have an impact on a weight in, not all of which are within our control. It can be very disheartening to know in yourself that you are doing the right things and working hard to reach your goals and feeling like you are not going anywhere, I totally get that, I have been there many time over in the last 10 years that I have been overweight. I have had my parents not believe that I am doing what I say, eating what I say etc..because the scales haven't shown a loss, and its upsetting. I guess thats why this time around I haven't told anyone (except the whole internet…lol) that I am trying to get fit and healthy again. I don't think I can cope with them not believing me anymore so best keep it to myself and surprise them when I get there. :)
    You can do this, you have proven that you can by losing the weight you have already lost, (congrats by the way) and great video! :)
    take care x

  • KCLAnderson (Karen)

    Part of this process is figuring out what works and what doesn't work. I mean, yeah, the basics are eat less and move more and we all know that works, for the most part. But what I am talking about are challenges and setting goals and jumping on bandwagons. I stopped joining challenges and traditional goal setting because…because for some reason they seem to have the opposite of the desired effect on me. That seems like a lame excuse, but it is what it is. For others they seem to work wonders and maybe some day I'll figure out how to make them work for me, but for now I stay away. And that's okay. And it's okay for you too. I have no doubt that you will be successful!

  • SugarSweet

    Yes if the scale stresses you out then get rid of it for a while! It seems to be a popular advice and yes I would agree that getting too obsessed with the numbers on the scale is not a good thing. However my personal feeling on this is almost the opposite. I actually weigh myself every day and here is why. First of all motivation. I find it quite hard to keep motivating myself and “stay good” but by weighing myself every morning I am constantly reminded of my goals and reasons for trying to stick to the healthy lifestyle that I have embarked upon. This has another benefit and that is since I weigh myself so often I have seen how the numbers can change up and down (sometimes you feel for no apparent reason but also remember that we are women and our bodies work in cycles so we can't expect it to behave in a linear fashion). Because I know this I don't take it that hard when the scale shows a gain. Basically if I have gone up I can easily shrug it off (nothing to worry about, it's only been one day so I can fix it til tomorrow) and if I have lost I am overjoyed no matter how small the loss is! Again, I can't expect a big loss in just one day so every .something loss is a victory! In contrast if I was only weighing myself once a week or even worse once a month and I didn't have any results in that time I would be crushed and discouraged!
    The thing that has helped me the most so far though is keeping a detailed food journal online and through that counting calories. If the scale is moving in the wrong direction I can almost always see a very clear reason why on yesterday's food journal and then all I have to do is strengthen my resolve and behave and usually I see some small loss the next day!
    Anyway, everyone must do what feels best for them so good luck and keep up the good work, you seem to be doing well so far! :)

  • Adele

    Your tenacity inspires me and I hope good things come your way because you seem like an awesome person.

  • Trainer Rob

    I just want to chime in here with a few thoughts for you guys following Emily's blog. I am not a deeply religious person but I do believe the mind, body and soul are very connected. When I went through my 75+ pound weight loss journey I would weigh myself 3-4 times per day…constantly on an emotional roller coaster. If the scale was down, I was happy. If the scale was up I was sad. Sometimes I was feeling pretty healthy and happy before going on the scale…thinking, hey it has to be down 2 pounds this morning and low and behold, up 1! And in a single second, my entire day was ruined! In the first year of my weight loss journey, I lose 40 pounds and felt generally healthy by the end. But, I still obsessed and for 3 months my weight hovered 240-245 pounds. When I finally put the scale away for 2 weeks at a time and just concentrated on my mind and soul (of course I still worked out) I felt great…and it was almost a surreal experience but the weight came off and I actually felt like my mind was controlling the weight. Yes, I pleatuead a few times on my way to 210 pounds but each time I geared up for a run at 5-10 pounds of weight loss, it was my mind that was in the right place to get it done.

    Now I am trying to put on muscle and GAIN WEIGHT! Believe me, that is much harder than losing. It is fun but I must admit that seeing the scale go up is actually comical.

    Stay healthy!

  • Kelly Mccausey

    I'm sorry that you're dropping out of the Summer15 but understand where you're at emotionally. We'll still be rooting for you!

  • Misugrrl

    Hey hun, I just saw your video on youtube, it was linked from one of your others. I've been reading your blog for a few months now, and the above video really got to me. It got to me, because I swear, its as if you crept into my mind and pulled out exactly what I'm feeling. I am so frustrated!

    My weight reached its highest at 280-ish pounds. I say 280-ish because that was the last time I had weighed myself – I know I got larger after that. After my illness and subsequent divorce, I moved back home. In December of last year, I got really sick and landed in the hospital. After that stint, I had to change my eating habits. No sugar, no more caffeine, cut out the dairy, and absolutely no more sodas. Small changes, that yielded in huge results. My weight dropped down to my current weight of 247-255 (it hovers around there depending on the day and my cycle). This rapid easy weight loss totally inspired me to get moving. And I did. And what happened?

    NOTHING!

    GAH! HOW FRUSTRATING!!

    So I TOTALLY TOTALLY TOOOOOOTTTAAALLLLLYYYYY understand how you feel. Completely. But, like you, I'm feeling better. My body is feeling stronger. I feel so much better than I did just this time last year. No back pain, no weird aches, nothing. I am starting to feel normal, even if I don't look it.

    Keep going, hun. It will eventually drop, when your body realizes that its not in danger. I decided to make my goal an activity – if I can get my body to achieve that activity, then I've succeeded. Screw the scale.

  • Pingback: Fool me once, shame on you… — Skinny Emmie Weight Loss Blog

  • Tab Boren Morgan

    I know eactly what you mean. Starting weight 320lbs..1 year later 189…it has been a struggle…I eat right and  weightlift and cardio for a total of 2 hours 5 days a week. My husband says dont let the scale sget you down. I have lost only a few puunds over the last few months and i know I have come a long way but I put in the work and I deserve for the numbers to drop…I added a cheat meal about 4 months ago on Saturday(mexican food) and I wonder if I have sabatoged my self by doing that but then I think I have to live some cause I am on a low carb diet and i restrict myself 99% of the time….lately my friend has been a new kind of peanut butter and my trusty tablespoon measuring spoon(95cal..2 carb)LLLLOOOOOVVVEEE!!! It isnt easy but it is a journey about self discovery and I find that I love myself more everyday. I reward myself with pedicures and clothes and sorry I have babbled to much. Keep it up!! Anything worth having is hard work and you are already a success!!!

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