Write Your Own Script

I have waffled on this for a few weeks now. And I love how I just made a food reference. I’m hungry. Need to eat a pre-bed snack…

But I digress…

You all have been through my insanity that is my love/hate relationship with The Biggest Loser. I wanted to be on the show. I wanted to be a reality TV star. I wanted to get my ass kicked by Bob and Jillian. When it didn’t happen, I was lost. Not because I thought I was a shoe-in, but because I had used that prospect of making it on the show as an out- a complete excuse for not making forward progress all along. Even if you can’t relate to me and my insanity with the show, I’m sure you CAN relate to me with being hit with a speed bump and not successfully making it over it.

  • “I’ll start going to the gym when I lose a little weight from dieting”
  • “I have to get through my daughter’s soccer season before I can commit to a new fitness routine”
  • “I’ll sign up for the gym when I get my bonus check”

Whatever the excuses are, we’ve all made them. A million times over. And over.

So I made this bold deceleration that I was over with the stupid TV show. Then I became insane again when I saw they were casting in Louisville. Trainer Rob talked me down from that ledge.

Then I got a phone call. From The Biggest Loser.

Thankfully, it went to voicemail, so I couldn’t go berserk to the casting director on the other end. Before I could check the voicemail, I got the email. From The Biggest Loser.

My first thought was *squee!!!* And then I snapped my ass back into reality and went, “huh, do I really want this?”

They had called to see if I could come to the Louisville call, and they gave me a VIP pass. They flagged my video from last time and wanted to see me. They also asked if my husband would be interested. They think it’s going to be a couples season. My dear hubs 1) is the shyest person ever; 2) would never leave his work for that long; 3) has already lost weight and doesn’t have nearly the 100 pounds to lose as is a requirement for the show. He might have 50.

They stressed that even if I didn’t have a partner, I should come anyway, just in case it ends up being a singles season. In my mind, I’ve struggled with this every single day. Last week, when I was super stressed, the prospect of me leaving my life for the ranch was enticing. I was ready to start looking for outfits to go in.

The casting call is this Saturday. I had a reminder on my calendar that popped up earlier today about it, and I just chuckled.

Today I feel strong.

Today I know no TV show disguised as a white knight will come and save me.

Today I know without a doubt I’m making progress.

Today I comprehend that my reality is amazing, and that I can do this without leaving.

I will claim victory on my own terms.

So, no trip to Louisville for me. Deleted the message from the casting director. I’m going to write my own script.  I don’t need the ranch when I have my gym. I don’t need Bob or Jillian if I have Trainer Rob. I don’t need a television audience cheering me on when I have you. I am strong, and I can will do this.

  • TheMeWithin.com

    WOW I just don’t know what to say! I have tried out for this show 8 times. THis alone has motivated me and I am so amazed, shocked and in AWE! YOU are amazing and I bow to your feet.

    Do you have your casting video on youtube? I have mine if you want a good laugh go check it out…
    Prepare to laugh your butt off!! Sadly I am 40 pounds bigger now but I am the girl in the blue… http://www.youtube.com/themewithin#p/a/u/0/DJjs4rZdso8

  • Jenn

    Good for you! And yet I am so jealous that you got a call! I want to do the show – not because I want to be a reality TV “star”…I have my own reasons. Anyway, I do know someone who went to a casting call here in Boston 2 weeks ago. She was called back but was told she needed to have a partner, a close family member at that.
    You are doing great on your own. You are an inspiration! Keep it up!

  • http://dalvarado.typepad.com/ deb

    Wow, that was tough! I don't think I'd have been as strong as you. Good for you, you are a superstar in your very own right.

  • http://colormeuntypical.blogspot.com Untypically Jia

    I too ended up not going to the casting call when they had one here in town. But not for the amazing determination like you have. Because I didn't WANT to NEED a tv show to do this for me. I wanted to prove I could do it on my own.

    Though to be honest, right now, I'm wanting the tv show LOL!

    Good for you though, seriously. You are already an inspiration to a lot of people, this red head included.

  • Fluffy girl

    Good for you girl! I'm on your team and cheering for you every step of the way!

  • http://biglifelittleblog.blogspot.com Emily

    Way to go on staying strong on your decision not to audition again! Just to reaffirm your decision, I received the same contact from a BL casting director for BL10. Got the VIP pass, went to the casting call. A call back, extra audition video and a whole lot of rollercoaster riding later I was pitched to the network execs and was sadly told I was 'too normal.' I was crushed, plus I had put off getting back to gym for 4 months waiting on BL to swoop me away.

    Before they even started casting this season I said to myself I wouldn't audition, but once I started seeing news about casting calls, tweets and facebook status updates from the casting directors I wondered if, just maybe, I should try again. So, I know exactly the thoughts that have gone through your head. I am happy to say I stuck to my guns and learned to ignore the casting hoopla on the internet. But I'm not sure I would have been as strong as you were if a CD called me – good for you!

  • Suzy

    Wow, what a range of emotions going on. Fate toying with and tempting you too! Glad you made the decision that's best for you and you're sticking with it.

    But you're always welcome in Louisville! :) I'll be ther next month on vaca!! Yayyy!

  • http://abetterlesserme.blogspot.com/ D…

    That is awesome that you feel so in control of your own destiny and you are right, you have the power to do this!!!

  • Tmguhr

    Isn't it awesome when life teaches you things about yourself that you never knew? You're on a journey of self discovery…the weight is only part of it. Thanks for sharing and keeping it real. I'm rooting for you!

  • http://kclanderson.com/before-and-after KCLAnderson (Karen)

    I am so freaking proud of you Emmie. The longer I am on this journey the more I know, in the deepest part of my soul, that I have everything I need, right inside myself. And so do you. I have come to believe that when we look outside ourselves we get tripped up, we stop trusting ourselves. And trust in ourselves is the real solution, long term. If we don't then we will continue to look outside ourselves and find only short-term answers.

  • Jen

    I know everyone here is saying well done and you're so strong but I honestly think you're crazy not to go for this… You didn't make it last time and yeah that sucked and you might not make it this time and that'll suck again but you got to at least try… Auditioning doesn't mean you have to put your life on hold… You've been offered a VIP pass to an experience that tens of thousands of people would give their right arm for!
    The time spent on that ranch if you made it would be time spent turning your life around… I think you should definitely audition – Audition doesn't mean give up the progress you're making at home alone or with Trainer Rob but audtioning means you could maybe, if you got this, spend a few months exclusively on you and your health… I say go for it!

  • Merrberruns

    good for you emmie! I'm proud of you and your decision. You can do anything that you put your mind to with or without jillian and bob. You're amazing, dont forget it :)

  • http://www.authenticallyemmie.com skinnyemmie

    Jen- These were my thoughts the past couple of weeks also. I'm surprised you're the first one to vocalize these! I thought there would be more people who thought the same thing (and maybe they just haven't said so yet).

    I guess right now my thoughts are- if they called me up TODAY, without even having to go to the casting call, etc. and they said “CONGRATS! YOU'RE ON THE SHOW!” Would I be happy about it? Would I even do it?

    Right now, my answer is no. I wouldn't be excited about leaving my job, husband, friends, routine, to do it. Is that enough reason not to try? Not sure…

    Anyone else have the same feelings?

  • Emily Prickett

    I have to say I do kind of agree with Jen. It's not like going to BL would put your weight loss journey on hold. It would just kick it into high gear and give you an awesome, fun experience at the same time and present you with opportunities you may never have had if you didn't do it. But only you know you, and if you think trying out again and possibly not making it again would screw up your momentum and you don't want to risk that, I understand. Maybe I'm just being selfish and would love to watch you on BL!

  • Jen

    I suppose when you put it like that… That you wouldn't be happy to leave your job, hubby, friends, routine etc then I can see why you wouldn't want to do it… Even if was offered to you straight.
    I think that says alot about how far you have come since you're last audition which is awesome I just don't think I could ever turn down a opportunity to do that if it was offered to me which is why I had to say something (long time reader, first time comment-er!)
    At the end of it all you have to be happy with the decision you make for it to work best for you… And if you wouldn't be happy there then it wouldn't work… You've got yourself into a routine now where exercise and diet is working for you and you're enjoying it so as long as you're happy with that that's what's going to work for you!
    Well done by the way… I've been following your blog for a while and i'm constantly impressed! : )

  • http://www.kendrathroughthelookingglass.com Kendra

    I think that your decision really needs to depend on what else you want out of the process. Obviously weight loss is the primary goal but there's more to it than that. I refuse to be anyone else's success story (I'm writing a post on this for next week) because I'm doing the work and I'll be damned if I let someone else take credit for that. I'm not a fan of TBL for multiple reasons but one of them is that they claim the successes.

  • http://senoritarachael.com SenoritaRachael

    I've been reading your blog for awhile and I have to say I agree with Jen. I think of it as an opportunity. Why throw away a perfectly good one? Not that I don't think you can do it on your own (I KNOW that you can!! Remember: you're a capable, motivated, inspirational woman!) but maybe see where this takes you. What's the worst thing that can happen, they offer you a spot and you decide that it's not for you? All I'm saying is that you've gone back and forth about BL…can you be POSITIVE that you will never feel low and maybe think of it again…? No regrets!!!

  • Sarah6116

    I'm very proud of you for making that decision. I am not a fan of TBL, I believe they promote crash diets (Trainer Rob's #2 reason) constant exercise, that can't possibly maintained and an overall warped view on healthy eating. You are so much better off doing this the right way! You have all my love and support, keep up the great work lady!

  • http://amerrylife.com Mary (A Merry Life)

    You are writing your own story and taking control of your own life. That's a million time more exciting than getting on the Biggest Loser and having it handed to you.

  • Jacki

    I've only watched The Biggest Loser a few times. I worry that it sets people up for failure – by creating a false environment that you can't continue in once you're done the show. A friend of mine and I have discussed this, and she tells me that most of the past winners have kept most of the weight off. What about the people who didn't make it to the end? Was the show motivation for them to continue, or did they gain it back?

    Whether you go to the casting call or not, I think you're in the right frame of mind right now. You are on a path and you are seeing success. Put it this way: if you did go to the casting call and were NOT offered a spot on the show, what do you think would happen? In the past, perhaps, that would have been a major disappointment, and I think we all know – as overeaters – how we deal with disappointments, lol … But, now, knowing that you can do this with or without the show … why not go? Just for the fun of it. And if you aren't picked, you can just keep on keeping on, without breaking stride. And if you are picked …. well, I suppose it would be decision time.

  • Trainer Rob

    For those of you talking about the biggest loser as an opportunity for emily, you must understand that weight loss is not a journey of the body but one of the mind. The very first day, i asked Emily “so, how did you end up like this? Why are you obese?” Without hesitation she explained her life to me. Her life was one in which everyone else came first. Like a lot of us, life overwhelmed her at times and she consistently turned to food for comfort. Obesity is a disease.

    She is already fit in the mind and she will lose her weight in due time. I define fitness many ways. I work at a gym and see guys all of the time that i am pretty sure have enhanced their testosterone levels. They look ripped sure, but are they fit? Maybe, maybe not. I train a 26 year old woman who has a body many women can only dream of, she was born this way. She drinks alcohol quite often and eats pretty poorly. She is quite possibly the most unfit person i work with.

    Emily is already fit, she just needs to lose those pounds now.

    The bl for those of you who are fans, know by now that all of the “characters” on the show have some deep emotional scars that lead them to being overweight. And for good tv, jillian and bob beat people to a pulp until they can't take it anymore. They cry, they admit why they are fat and they begin the process of recovery. I remember a mother daughter combo team one season, where the daughter felt the mother abandoned her. They cried together and it took bl to get them into a safe place to realize they love each other. No surprise they both succeeded.

    Emily is done with this portion of her journey! She has slayed the demons that have eaten her.

    Moreover, she doesn't need a diet counting calories (especially not one eating only 1200 calories a day). She doesnt need to workout 6 hours a day. She doesnt need the possible metabolic damage losing 200 pounds in 16 weeks can cause. There is such a thing as metabolic damage. Just ask anybody who has ever tried a “diet.”

    This will take emily 2-3 years to do and she will do it the healthy way.

    Now, go watch bl for entertainment but don't any of you dare try it at home ;) it is afterall just entertainment! Even bob and jillian know in their hearts the slow way is the right way :)

    Proud of you emily!

  • Marcie T

    GO EMMIE! You are writing your own script for success, one blog post at a time.
    Having ownership and knowing you don't need a super-celeb trainer (other than Rob) to kick your butt on national television. I also agree with Rob's assessment that you are past a lot of the emotional baggage required of BL participants and you're in a much healthier (aka better) place than most of the participants on the show. You're building a healthier future, not a multi-week crash system. Besides, we'd all miss your posts! :)

  • Ksmoth

    I love, love, love the Biggest Loser! But, being “skinny” should'nt be a diet, it should be a way of life. And being on the ranch is far from reality! If you can already balance, work, home, husband, working out, friends, eating healthy, etc., then you shuoldn't change your routine by goingg to the ranch. You have already done the hard part of getting started and getting into a routine, now its just a matter of sticking to it everyday (that's the part I struggle with myself :) ).

  • SarahNettles

    Hey Emily! I have just stumbled upon your blog…..after reading your post tonight I wanted to let you know that you ARE inspiring! You are right, you are strong and should be proud of yourself. I'm going to keep checking in on you and cheering you on in your journey!

  • http://twitter.com/cutthroatpixie McKenzie

    I just started reading your blog, and I must say that I'm so glad I've found it! I'm currently on my own weight loss journey (started at 230, currently 178, trying to get to 140), and it's so inspirational to read about yours. I look forward to reading your posts in the future!

  • Pingback: Fat, Fit Girl at the Gym — Skinny Emmie Weight Loss Blog()

  • Pingback: Before & After: A Real-Life Story » Blog Archive » Is Competition Always Good?()

  • Pingback: Skinny Emmie: Laughter, Tears and Stories of Fat Camp : FITBLOGGER()

  • Pingback: ania quisumbing()