The Twenties

Lately, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about my 30th birthday. Not that I’m scared to be 30- I really don’t care (although it will be weird to not be considered a ‘twenty-something’ anymore). I’m thinking about it because I want a big party.

via Jug Jones on Flickr

Birthdays for me are usually lots of hype and then letdown. Except for 2007 where I had a blast and then proceeded to get drunk and decided that if I took the icing off the cake, it didn’t have carbs. Uh, not my best moment, and it resulted in my head face down in the toilet.

I think I have some glamorized idea of what a massive birthday bash is supposed to be like: you wear a pretty dress and are surrounded with lovely friends and have great food, good drinks, dancing and a general footloose-and-fancy-free time. I envision jetting off to Las Vegas to celebrate in some swanky club where we have a VIP table and bottle service.

Except that’s not really me!

I’m spending tonight (Friday) in my pajamas catching up on House Hunters on the DVR and blogging. And I’m happy to do it. I love being at home and relaxing. I mean, I like being with friends too, but the whole “outing” thing can be such a headache: finding an outfit, shoes that don’t hurt, worrying about what to eat or drink on this diet (although really- don’t worry about  me!), then trying to mesh with the crowd and then getting home at the end of the night.

So I’m trying to figure out why I’m longing to organize and throw this party. I don’t have tons of people to invite (in my dreams we take over the club), certainly don’t have money to organize and pay for everything in my fantasy land, including everyone’s food and drinks, and then I know I’ll stress out wanting everyone to have a great time.

I think part of this whole thing comes from feeling like my twenties have flown by and I want to be able to celebrate entering into another decade. The twenties have been hard for me (and I’m sure MANY others) as you transition from college kid to working adult. My twenties consisted of me gaining 100+ pounds in college, another 50 after graduation, then losing 150 pounds before gaining 155 back after grad school. I mean, that is SO NOT NORMAL. I’ve always been a goodie-two-shoes and never partied much. I’ve always been hyper-worried about what others would think about me or whatever that I just avoided a lot of situations. And when I avoided, I gained weight. I hid in my house and binged. A large order of cheese fries with extra ranch plus a fried chicken salad with honey mustard and hot bacon dressing. To go.

So now I’m going back down in the right (weight) direction. As I go down, my confidence is slowly starting to tick up. My outfit made me feel pretty. I realized I went from a size 32/34 to a 24. And not just like 1 random pair of 24’s. I went to Macy’s and every pair of 24’s I put on fit me. It was a “woah” moment in the dressing room.

And I saw this tonight- I remember thinking I thought I looked good in the first picture (I think it was around 40 pounds down), but tonight, I actually saw a big difference. I did a happy dance (literally – to 2 songs from my current workout mix). And today, I hit over $700 raised towards my $2,500 goal for the half marathon. I cried happy tears at work. I talk down to myself a lot. More than I admit. But today? I was screaming inaudible “you go girls” to myself.

Does this stuff really have anything to do with me wanting a big fancy bash? I’m thinking so. I think I’m craving experiences and memories as I’ve let so many pass in my 20’s. I want to start my 30s off right. Who knows what that “right” is.

Anyone have ideas? What did you do for your 30th (if you’re there yet)? Do you think I’m trying to create something that was oppressed from my years spent as a 455 pound hermit? Or am I over-reacting and just want to throw a big ass party?

  • maria @ Chasing the Now

    Hello gorgeous!!!!

    You look so pretty (but even better, so happy) in the after photo above. I love it! I think J and I might be heading home in August again (maybe) and if so we have to get together again. :)

  • Kris

    You are looking fantastic girl!!!! I too reach 30 this year and cannot decide if I want to celebrate it or just ignore it. I spent many years ignoreing my birthday but now that I am not in the 400’s I am thinking about inviting everyone I know to head out to dinner with me and just party! I only had an out and about party once before… and it is not a good memory. Time to make those memories be things I want!

    Keep on being your amazing self babe! you are a Rockstar!!!! If you want a party… Throw a party!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *tosses confetti*

  • Jen

    You should def. celebrate your 30th. For mine my sister invited a bunch of my friends over and we played games. It was low key, cheap and a lot of fun!

  • momgetsfit

    So proud of you!! You are such an inspiration to me. Love the new pictures. Age is but a number. Society tries to associate our value with our age. Don’t let this affect you. You are so much more than your age. Look at Jane Fonda, Suze Orman and so many others that look great and are meaningfully contributing to society. Don’t fret your fabulous.

  • Anna Walker

    I think you should do whatever is most comfortable for YOU. For me, I would invite just a few friends over and have a small, intimate party. There would be good food and drinks, and an awesome movie, and maybe some facials…just plan something that will be fun AND relaxing, and it’s more special when you share it with your closest friends and family. Just my two cents.

  • Marcie T

    I’m turning 30 as well and dwindle between low-key and wanting a party…at least I have a few more months to figure things out. You could always call out your blog followers to take over a club. I think there are enough lurkers to do that!

    You look very happy and great in the new picture- you weren’t unhappy in the first one, I think, just less happy than now. Enjoy the natural high and happy early birthday!

  • Heather

    You are going to LOVE your 30s! Trust me!! LOL! I am 32 and would not go back to my 20s if you paid me. You look amazing. You are stunning and you wear your weight so well. I wish I had a picture when I was a 24. I looked like a blob. You have shape and form. You could stop right now an no one would be the wiser. You wear your weight that well. :)

  • Brandi

    You are so freakin pretty! I love your outfit pix. I didn’t do much for my 30th. I was living with my now husband in a different town. Had no friends there and all my family and friends were an hour away. That’s not far, but it seemed to be at the time. I wish I had some kind of party, but I never did. I say.. go for it! And I wish I lived near you cuz I’d love to celebrate with ya!!

  • lesley

    Emmie, you look so so good in that new photo! You are, like, half the size!!

    For my 30th, i was so afraid of being disapointed, and having no one do anything nice for me that i took myself off to Disneyland and spent two weeks in the Florida sunshine with my daughter.

    It was great. But i was still v upset that i didn’t geta party or a cake or any pressies when i came home. I think when you get past the age of about 18, people stop really remembering your birthday, but i really would have liked the kind of party you describe above for my 30th.

    I guess you’ve just got to be happy for being alive another year


  • Karen@WaistingTime

    Oh I’m way past that milestone! I’m not big into parties, for anything really. I’m more of a “celebrate big birthdays with a trip” person. And I loveeee House Hunters.

  • Christi

    I’ll be 36 this year and I’m with Heather here. My 30’s have been so much different than my 20’s, but I wouldn’t go back. The 30’s seem to be a bit more relaxed. There is nothing wrong with feeling proud and confident. You have put in the time and effert to get your physical and mental self to where you are today. Have that party, make it BYOB and maybe grill something healthy for the food? I of course don’t know what the weather is like there around your bday. What ever you decide to do, make it fabulous!

  • Maia

    Wow, you seriously look fantastic.

    I think you should absolutely do something big for your birthday. Celebrate all of your achievements. You deserve it.

  • Need to Get Me Back

    You look amazing!!! Your face is so slim! I like its normal to want to experience a big fun thing if you think you missed out on those days in college/ your 20’s. I think you should go to VEGAS! Or Atlantic City or NYC or some fun club or something.

  • Rachel

    I am over 30 and since then I’ve decided that every year I’m still alive should be celebrated! Add to that the fact that you’re making this incredibly difficult journey (and inspiring people along that way!) and you have much cause for celebration!
    And don’t sweat not having enough friends to take over the club because quality trumps quantity anytime. :) Enjoy your 30th birthday bash, SE!

  • Veronica

    Wow, the before and after is so amazing! You SHOULD be doing a happy dance! Woot! I just turned 30 in October and I wanted a big party since I was raised Jehovah’s Witness and never had one as a child. I decided to rent a park building and I had an 80s theme pizza party and invited EVERYONE–alllll my family and friends, and about 60 of them were able to come (in costume!) I had a friend play photographer (in exchange for a cake–I used to make them) and take pics of me with everyone and I loved it–I felt like a supah stah! :) Basically, I think you should figure out what you REALLY want to do, and how you can do it within your budget. I think 30 is a big deal, and so is your weight loss and if it were me, I’d want a big party where lots of people could see me happy and pretty! Doing the party WAS stressful for me but I have the great memories and pics and I’m so glad I did it.

  • D…

    Wow look at the change, look at what you have achieved that is so awesome! For me things got better after 30, my 20s were hideous, hiding behind my size, not living at all! I reckon if you want to have big bash, experience life and enjoy it! :-)

  • Lisa

    You look great!

    I think you should do whatever is most comfortable for your big day.

    Last year I turned 30 and invited a few close friends to join me at a restaurant for dinner. I reserved a table for 18 of us and was happy that everyone showed up and had a good time! They all secretly plotted to surprise me with a cape/Princess Sash/crown and a pony (My Little Pony). It was pretty funny. Then the boyfriend and I left town for a week and enjoyed a vacation in the snow! It was the best!

  • Devi

    You look absolutley gorgeous!!!! :) hope your bday is well celebrated!

  • Angelika

    You look AMAZING!!!!!!

  • Jennifer

    You should definitely throw yourself a big 30th birthday party! You’re looking good and feeling good. It’s time to celebrate that and to celebrate where all your past struggles have brought you. You’re in such a good place now! Enjoy it!!