Warning: this post has some mention of bodily functions. If this offends,
lighten upskip this post.
Someone commented over on my 101 in 1001 list recently, noting that one of my items, “get a massage,” should be easy. In theory, it is easy to get a massage any day of the week. I know lots of people who get massages, and believe me, I would LOVE to get one and enjoy it.
You may think you know where I'm going with this one: the body/naked issue. While that has been a factor in my hesitation to get a massage, it pales in comparison to the real reason I'm scared.
Farting (aka pooting, flatulence, tooting, “ripping one” and breaking wind)
In 2007, I had my first and only massage. It was during phase I of my bachelorette party in which my lovely friends had gotten me an hour long massage, and they all had spa treatments as well. I stripped and once I was situated and properly covered on the table, I was pretty comfortable. The massage therapist was a woman of about 25 who was plenty friendly.
About 15 minutes into the blissful experience, I felt some pressure inside my belly, and I knew I was in trouble. The next 45 minutes I was tensed up like crazy trying not to break wind in front of this stranger.
The massage therapist kept saying how tense I was, and I didn't say a word. My mind raced during the entire 45 minutes of agony wondering what to do. Is this normal? Do I just “relax” and let it out? Do I tell her to stop and go away for a while? Then what about the smell – would the aromatherapy drown it out?
Of course I laid there tensed up like crazy, and left none the more relaxed.
And that, my friends, is why I've been afraid to get a massage 🙂