Oh Monday's. They get such a bad rap – end of the weekend, beginning of the work week, back to “real life.” Unfortunatley today, I realized how my Monday's have been dictated by a little number I see first thing in the morning, standing in my bathroom with nothing but anticipation.
I stare down at the 0.0
I inhale once, then exhale. Not because I think air weighs anything, but because I need the calming breath to ease my anxiety.
One foot goes on the platform, then the other.
I stare at the ceiling while listening to the *beep* *beep* *beep* of the numbers whizzing by. I silently offer up a plea: “please. please. please.”
The double beep means I can look. The truth is on display, flashing for me.
In a clear-and-easy digital reading, my Monday mood has been decided.
Last week was awesome. I felt strong (sans foot boot). I feel like I was in control of my food. I cut back my coffee intake. Cooked good food. Ate only what I felt my body needed.
I swam over four miles at the pool over three days. I move and can feel the muscles in my arms and legs, thanking me for a job well done.
Before I stepped on the digital scale, I felt hopeful. Hopeful for a wonderful number and hopeful that it would validate all of these unmeasurable feelings.
Instead, it told me I failed. I not only failed, I completely crashed and burned.
5 pounds gained. GAINED.
A surge of depression rushes in like a tidal wave, and my eyes fill with tears. Not many, just a couple. If I didn't blink, they wouldn't have fallen.
Call it water weight or whatever, but in those moments, I decided my Monday was the worst possible.
Thankfully, I've been at this journey long enough to know that this is just a temporary bump. My weight can fluctuate 5-10 pounds per day on water (tis what happens when you are as large as I).
I remember something Trainer Rob asked me several months ago:
“What did you feel like before you saw the number?”
I felt good. I felt strong. I felt healthy.
So today, I'm hopping off the rollercoaster of the scale, knowing it isn't the only barometer of my progress.
I went to the doctor last week for swimmers ear and asked if he could run bloodwork for me while I was there, so I could get a clearer overall picture of my health beyond my weight. My blood pressure was normal. My pulse was a nice 60 bpm. The only result I got immediatley was fasting glucose, which was 88, and I'm told is well within normal. Just last week, I these other indicators that I'm on the right path. I'll be damned if I let today's weigh in dictate how awesome I feel the rest of the week.
Progress, not perfection.
PS: Thanks to reader Liz who sent me this link. An actual study published in 2 medical journals that shows that you can be obese and healthy. Go check it out on CNN (and don't read the comments unless you want to see the ugly in people.) Should all obese people lose weight?