In case of zombie apocalypse…

February 29, 2012

Not sure if it’s coincidence or if something really is going on with zombies, but I’ve had conversations with 2 groups of people this week about how long we’d survive if we were struck by a zombie apocalypse. Zombies take over, power goes out, and we have to fend for ourselves.

I don’t keep much shelf-stable food at my house, because I tend to only eat refrigerated, fresh items like veggies, meat, and seafood. When I was 455 pounds and at the height of my binge eating problem, I could have survived apocalypse for quite a while as I existed almost entirely on Doritos, cookies, potato chips, diet coke, and bean dip. Frozen pizzas were also quite plentiful, although I suppose that wouldn’t help me since I couldn’t keep the freezer cold or cook them by anything else but fire. I could open up my refrigerator and only have a bag of grapes, some half and half, Velveeta queso, and some orange juice staring back at me. These days, I have trouble finding room for food in there.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make light of my former binging or get a laugh out of the stereotypical “fat person” foods – this is just fact.

Last week, my husband and I came to a realization: we had each individually been solicited to buy Girl Scout cookies from his nieces. This means in addition to my big order which I have no intention of eating anytime soon, he also placed a big order with his favorites and what he thought were my favorites.

At first I was all:

ZOMG. How am I going to be able to resist these damn cookies? I love cookies. Nom nom nom. I want some NOW! But wait: I don’t eat sugar! Or flour! Damn!

I want cookies! These are, like, so special. Only once a year. COOKIES!

Today I realized that I cannot eat the cookies. Not because they aren’t great for you, but because I need at least SOME food to tide me over during the zombie apocalypse. And I’m not sure about you, but when the end comes, at least I’m going with a belly full of Caramel DeLites.

  • http://dietschmiet.wordpress.com/ Deb

    Let’s hope the Zombie apocalypse comes before the cookies’ Use By dates!!!!

  • http://profiles.google.com/msgracechang Grace Chang

    I love girl scout cookies and have avoided buying them this season! My favorite are Samoas. I don’t think I can stop at one. Good job staying strong 

  • Melinda Borucki

    someone told me recently that you can buy girl scout cookies from your local girl scout girl but assign them to be sent to troops overseas.  So that the girl scout still gets the “credit” for selling them,but you don’t have to have them giving you the Geico eye whilst sitting on the shelf in your house.  Thankfully-  the green mafia has not yet solicited me.. but I know its coming…. 

    • http://www.authenticallyemmie.com Emily Sandford

      yeah, these cookies (minus 2 boxes for the husband) are going to a local food shelter. Just wanted to write a funny post while they were still in my possession! 

  • Bee w

    Great thinking ahead! One must always be ready for the zombie apocalypse :) 

  • http://leecooks.blogspot.com/ Margy and Lee

    I know people who buy them and donate them to the food pantry.  

    • http://www.authenticallyemmie.com Emily Sandford

      Yes, these cookies (minus 2 boxes for the husband) are going to a local food shelter. Just wanted to write a funny post while they were still in my possession! 

  • JanieJ

    Why wouldn’t you just give the girls the money and ask the Troop Leader to drop off the boxes you purchased at a local nursing home or food bank? Do you want a pat on the back for your “intention” to “not eat them anytime soon”?  Why would you even bring junk food into your house?  The road to Hell is paved with cookies, hun.  You still don’t get it.

    • http://www.authenticallyemmie.com Emily Sandford

      Janie – I wrote this post with only humorous intentions. All but 2 boxes at my husbands request were donated to a food bank. It’s easy to judge through the internet, but I disagree that the road to Hell is paved with cookies. I will however, admit that I don’t “get” everything. I am not perfect, and won’t ever pretend to be. 

  • Noel Depp

    I think this post is HILARIOUS! This is just a good humor post. She is donating the cookies to a food shelter with the exception of some for her husband.  Some people just don’t know how to laugh. 

  • http://twitter.com/marthaisbliss Martha

    Love this! 

  • http://www.footballandrainbows.blogspot.com/ Dani

    LOL that is so freaking funny!!! 

  • Graceannhawkins

    meh, I am not trying to be a hater or judgmental but I’ll just be honest, this isnt the type of thing I like to see in my gmail inbox… maybe its because I am a compulsive eater but i just really dont like to see junk food porn 

    • http://www.authenticallyemmie.com Emily Sandford

      Hi there. I totally didn’t intend for that to be the intention, but I understand your view.

      • Graceannhawkins

        I know you didnt, thats why im not ranting and raving and telling you that “you just dont get it” or whatever it is that I saw earlier.  lol

  • Emma

    Hahaha, great post! That is something I totally did not think of as a possible downside of being paleo. Hrmm, maybe I should keep some cans and boxes of crap food in the dark corner of my cupboards in case there is a zombie apocalypse! :D

  • Kimberly N

    Emmie, Ive posted before, nothing major, more just rah rah you!  I have a recurring question in my mind, when you (being you…me…overweight…obese, whoever) have a whole lotta weight on your body, where/how do you find the motivation, energy or whatever is needed to get your ass up and at em and exercise.  I find it the hardest thing in the world for me.  I have done a few good walks, that is a huge accomplishment for me.  But I don’t seem to be able to just put one foot in front of the other and JUST DO IT (sorry Nike)   ANY words of wisdom my blog friend?

    Kimberly Canada

  • LHA

    This is a great post, and  I totally get the humorous intent!  Thanks for the smile……

  • Shelladawn

    Love your humour and your posts. Maybe some people should try and buy a sense of humour and not worry about you and the whereabouts of your cookies! Love from Australia xxx

  • Gil69

    <3 this blog!

  • Pingback: It’s all about the Girl Scout Cookies | Apocalyptic Thoughts

  • Digginit

    Awesome! lol

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