I've done some deep posts in the past week or so, and for today, all I have to say is… balls. That's basically my way of saying my attitude is sucky right now. But sucky isn't the right word, balls is. Basically, frustration and some sadness, but acceptance of what it is. I don't know where my terminology comes from. Perhaps I'll blame Holli.
Anyway, I read a post from the awesome Lydia about her trepidation of doing the Run the Bluegrass half marathon. This is the same half marathon that I did last year. I knew it was coming up as I know several people who are participating this year, but I just didn't realize how close it was. She wrote about some anxiety she's having about her ability to complete it. I threatened her with a foghorn and glitter-covered-posters, but really I know what she's feeling.
One year ago this weekend, I did eight training miles. Eight miles. *cue Eminem*
I was so dang proud. Like, “woah…I'm bad-ass” proud.
Today, I felt pretty, but not bad ass. Actually, in physical therapy, I was cursing my ass. And my hips. Apparently they're both really weak and I don't walk properly. Thus my ankle isn't calming down enough to heal. Eight miles versus today's pain of trying to stand on my tip-toes to strengthen my ankle. Big difference. Bad ass versus balls.
*cue the tiny violin*
Thankfully, I've pulled my head out of my (bad) ass and am trying to flip it into a positive. It's been a year and I'm still going. Still working at my goals, still living my life. For that, I am immensely thankful.
Perhaps the tiny violin will appear again in a few minutes. For now though, I'll try to sit proud in the silence.