I got an email from a great supportive long-time blog reader about my latest email newsletter from a couple of weeks ago. (Even if you haven't read the newsletter, this story still applies, so sit tight.) Essentially, she noted her surprise at how different the tone was than my normal posts, especially on the fashion side where I appear much more confident. The destructive thoughts I revealed that plague me at times were in sharp contrast to a happy, confident exterior that is represented in many of my posts.
I suppose this is the nature of balance… or imbalance. Operating at either end of the happy/sad continuum results in unhealthy behaviors. Strut around like a confident peacock all the time and you could sacrifice humility, perspective, and reality. Indulge your depressive thoughts and fears regularly and you could also lose perspective and become a self-destructive recluse. As I've shared before, I have unfortunately battled operating on the depressed side of the scale for much of my life. Finding the balance is one of the biggest intangible parts of this health journey. There isn't a scale I can stand on to show what level I'm operating at today.
Some days it's easy to just say “I'm awesome.” Other days, I choke over the words. I think it's important to share both sides. While it's easy to throw some gloss and glitter on during the good days, the learning experiences come from when we figure out how to get out of bed when your insecurities tell you it's not worth the effort. Sometimes, there is fear that sharing the messy innards of self-doubt reveals too much personal weakness. In the end though, the more I share, the easier it is to accept how things were and to shape things into how I want them to be.