I can't believe I haven't posted since last Tuesday. I have so many things to say, just not enough time to sit down and write them all out. Super frustrating, so I'm going to re-prioritize.
Anyway, today is #TransparentTuesday where we remove the rosy filters of social media and share real life. Share your posts in the comments below for all to see. Or, share on social media and tag #TransparentTuesday.
Guys, I've been so frustrated lately. Just totally grumptastic. My ankle has been such a source of frustration. I am so tired of talking about it, but last night I realized how the pain is going way beyond just physical discomfort.
My realization: My ankle pain puts me right back in the place when I was 455 pounds. I didn't walk, I wobbled. I didn't have strength to walk more than .25 of a mile. I couldn't stand up longer than 10 minutes. I hurt everywhere.
This ankle saga has gone on since my half marathon in 2011. Yes, nearly 3 years. Pre-surgery it wasn't quite as bad, just nagging. Since surgery in late July, it's just taken so long to heal. I'm in more pain now than I was before surgery. I know that my weight makes it harder for the tendon to heal – learning how to weight-bear again on that leg and ankle was rough, and of course having excess weight makes it harder. The pain makes me feel defeated, and also lazy. My ankle hurts every time I try to move, and it just reminds me of the former 455 pound me: slow, sore, weak, wobbly, and limited.
Since the pain first started in April 2011, I've seen 5 different doctors, have been in casts for 6 months, walking boots for 5 months, physical therapy for 6 months, and a brace for 4 months.
(and for those wondering about my outfit photos, I wear those shoes for 10 minutes at a time max, and then change back into my orthotics/brace – the photo on the bottom right)
I'm still working through it, but this realization about WHY it was so frustrating and how the pain is contributing to an overall feeling of “Teh Suck” was needed. I keep telling myself I'm lazy and will never have the mobility I want. This is the complete opposite of the truth, and I know I can make it through. I just need some more patience, and to disconnect that my injury doesn't mean I'm still that 455 pound person.
Refuse to sink. By gefiction