Note: I have several posts on here about my mom, who passed away in 2007 from complications of young onset Parkinson’s Disease. I am striving to live a life full of experiences she wasn’t able to. Today would have been her 60th birthday.
You would have been 60 today. Seeing as you weren’t ever fond of aging I suppose you wouldn’t have loved me sharing this milestone with the world! But man how I wish you would have been able to celebrate each of these years you’ve been gone. We’re heading into year 10 and it just blows my mind how much life has happened in that short amount of time.
I’ve been writing these letters for a while now, and they always seem to challenge my feelings about grief. Is it bad if the grief lessens each year to a point where your loss doesn’t seem to be quite as painful? Maybe it’s some sort of acceptance of the grief? Or dulling of the sadness? While I’m glad to not be overwhelmed with your absence anymore, it is also challenging to hold onto memories. They have been morphing and fading for nearly 10 years. There’s also lingering guilt that thinking of you less means that I’m not honoring your role in my life. I hope you know that’s not the case.
There are many times where I use your short life as a reminder of how little time we all have here on earth. Only 15 years separate my current age from the age that you died. If that’s not motivation to get out of my logical, sometimes workaholic mind, I don’t know what is. Your death has given me the gift of understanding the value of time. It helps me care less about what people think and more about living my life without regrets. It feels weird to thank you for that. But it’s one of the strongest pieces of you that I carry with me every day. So while I get sad when I realize I can no longer recall your voice or your laugh, I try to remember the gift of perspective that has come from your passing.
I had to laugh at this photo of us in Hong Kong because I never realized at the time how fashion-conscious you were… and how you pushed that onto us! I mean, these are some major trends from back in the day. I think these days between your love of fashion and mine, we would have gotten ourselves into a lot of shopping trouble! Also – I have no idea how you wore such heavy clip-on earrings. I think only you and my friend Nanci have that gift. It’s a superpower. 😂
I’m not going to ramble on with a lot of sadness today because I don’t have it in me. I simply want to say thank you for the lessons you’ve provided in life and death. If you can see me from wherever you are, you know that I am happy and have some great things going on in my life. No need to worry about me – though you were always so good at that!
With all my love forever and always,
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More posts about my mom:
- Parkinson’s Disease – her story
- Peaks and Valleys – August 2009
- A Voice – April 2010
- Why So Emotional? – April 2010
- Happy Thoughts – August 2010
- 55 – August 2011
- Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda – April 2012
- 56 – August 2012
- Six Years, Slow Healing – April 2013
- 57 – August 2013
- 58 – August 2014
- You Begin to Forget – April 2015
- 59 – August 2015