I ran home for lunch and was on my blissful way back from work when I saw a hand-written invitation on the top of the mail stack. Opened it up to realize (to my horror) that it was an invitation to my 10-year high school reunion. <insert gasp here>
For more “mature” folks, I don’t want to hear your lecture on how young I am, and for younger folks, I don’t want to hear about how old I am.
I just want some sympathy. <all together now…. *sigh*
Most of the people I wanted to stay in touch with I see on Facebook. It’s not like now-a-days you go to reunions with the suspense of who is single, married, straight, gay, had 15 kids, became a superstar or a multi-millionaire… Between a Google search and Facebook you can quench your curiousity thirst.
I think the self-imposed-horror of the situation is that a 10-year retrospective passes through your head where you compare where you thought you’d be when you were graduating to where you are now. You suddenly realize that the young adult with big ambitions has become, well, a real adult with bills, work and responsibilities. Did you become what you were going to be (for me: exercise physiologist or pediatrician- big nope on those!)? Is your current vision of success how you would have envisioned it back then (actually for me, yes). Do you look/feel/act the way you thought you would? Unfortunately for my psyche, that one is a big NO, and for whatever reason, despite all other accomplishments, I can't get over it.
My high school graduation vision: I would go to University of San Francisco or Pepperdine and become an exercise physiologist. If not that, then a pediatrician. I was going to live in California, drive up and down the PCH at least once, and settle down there. I would be single and like it. I’d have a cute apartment in a city somewhere and maybe a little dog. Happy hours with friends and shopping would keep me happy.
10 year reality: Went to University of Kentucky because of family turmoil and became a marketer. Gained a LOT of weight. Took care of dying parent. Met a great boy. Buried said parent. Lost a good bit of weight. Went back for MBA. President of my class. Earned respect of living parent. Got married to great boy. Bought a house. Got “dream job.” Got laid off from “dream job.’ Got a dog. Gained all the weight back. Got another great job. And another great job. Starting to lose the weight again. Still huge compared to HS.
So really- I think my reality is pretty damn good, sans the weight part. But really, that is the biggest hurdle for me. Always has been. I have “achieved” many things but still feel a failure because of my weight (and my college debt, but working on that part). By conventional standards I’m doing well, but by societal standards, I’m an outcast. If this reunion was another year away, I bet I’d be excited for going because I’ll be closer to my goal weight. But for now, I want to play the role of shrinking violet and stay in my safe house until the reunion is over and I can keep everyone at arms length on Facebook.
When I got home I looked in my scrapbook for high school pictures. I seriously thought I was fat (size 16)- looking back, I'm not sure if I'll ever be that small again!!! If we only knew then what we know now…
What were you going to be doing 10 years after high school graduation? Did you go to your reunion?