I don't know who tweeted this today, so apologies to that person for not getting any credit. It was early in the morning, and I copied and pasted it in and email and sent it to myself:
“We're all damaged in our own way. Nobody's perfect. I think we are all somewhat screwy, every single 1 of us. – Johnny Depp”
And while I'm on the subject of Johnny Depp, I met him at Fayette Mall several years ago (his mom lives nearby) and his damage is thinking that he has to dress like a slob. But I digress, as he gave me an autograph on the back of a Dakota Watch Company watch club card. Totally random, but whatever.
Back to my post…
I know I have my own screwy-ness. Or, if you'd prefer to call them, idiosyncrasies. But the one I'm thinking about right now is one that I have written about before in a previous post. I was watching Ruby (as you guys know, one of my fave shows after The Biggest Loser and now, Parenthood). She was challenged by her therapist to change 5 things in her life/environment/habit that would help her break out of her weight loss funk. She ended up taking the stairs, trying different workouts, cut out diet soda, got rid of her huge reclining chair she used at her highest weight of 700+ pounds, etc. She also had the same problem I do. When she looked in the mirror, she didn't see her size. She would focus on the positives of her weight loss while ignoring the fact that she was still very large.
What is it about people like Ruby and I to be able to adjust in our minds that when we look in the mirror we're not huge beasts? Really. Is it some secret fat coping mechanism that is built in to us so we can just survive? Think about people with traumatic events whose memories are repressed forever because it's just too hard to deal with. I feel like my brain has been playing tricks on me when I look in the mirror. It's like a carnival mirror in your head- you are unable to noticed the width of your hips, the rolls under your shirt, the chins under your chin… and it's nuts!
In the episode of Ruby, she ended up getting several smaller, round mirrors and placing them around her house where she could ONLY see the bad parts. For example, if she was sitting down to eat dinner in her normal spot at the table, the wall next to her had a mirror that only showed her stomach. What a terrifying thing to do! But it makes total sense.
I'm not quite ready to start slapping mirrors all over my house in weird positions to try to come to grips with my false body image. And don't get me wrong- I KNOW I'm big. Really. I know. But when I look at the mirror and then see pictures of myself later- it's like I'm 2 completely different people.
Do any of you share this same problem? If so, what do you do about it? Anything?
