Hiya friends – hope everyone had a great weekend. Friday, I headed to Nashville with a friend to attend Podcamp on Saturday. We had a great dinner with bloggy friend Danielle and her boyfriend. Conferences like that (or in this case, an “un-conference”) always get my mind going and then I tend to forget half the ideas I had when I get home. Thankfully this time, I took good notes! I also ended up giving an impromptu session on turning your “side hustle” into your full time business. Got back to Lexington just as the Kentucky Derby was wrapping up, and promptly turned on my DVR for the coverage to watch it as if it was live. So happy for Orb – he was my favorite!
Even if you're not into horses, this is a clip from Jimmy Fallon that really lifted my spirits today:
Anyway, last week was rough. I fight myself from sharing this stuff, but it always seems that once I do, I feel better and others tend to not feel alone. As I've discussed before, I have depression and anxiety. Since I was 15, I've been on mixtures of medications to help, in addition to my therapy sessions. Lately, I felt like I was slipping away. My mood has gotten darker and my anxiety has mounted. I can't identify specific reasons behind it, so I've been working with my psychiatrist to figure out if another combination of medications would work better. Last week I had 3 full blown panic attacks out of the blue. These things go beyond a normal freak out – they feel physically and mentally awful and are really hard to come down from. Needless to say I got another set of medication as those weren't working. Panic attacks and these medications have brought heart palpitations, which just reminds me why I want to be healthy – physically and mentally. I turned to food last week to try to calm the anxiety and surprise, surprise: it didn't work…. again. It never does.
So here's to hoping that this new round of medication works and I can feel some relief. I have so much to be thankful for in my life, and it feels like I'm experiencing it all with handcuffs on. I hate taking medication, but if it's what I need to feel normal and live the life I want, then so be it.