I was at work today and 3pm hit. As the minutes ticked past, I realized how freaking hungry I was. I had a satisfying lunch at noon, but was really, overwhelmingly hungry by 3:15pm.
I have a stash of about 5 Larabars at my desk to eat if I need them. Today, I was going straight from work to workout, and had planned on eating 1 Larabar right before leaving work.
I thought to myself: “It's 3:15. You can't have a Larabar now and another one later. You just can't. It will make you gain weight. It's too many calories. It wouldn't be good.”
In a moment of clarity, I realized the harsh fact:
I was afraid to eat.
After counting, measuring and tracking, my mind was taking over if I should eat something or not. I've analyzed things like crazy lately, and this new neuroses popped up. Am I “supposed” to eat this at this particular moment? Am I “supposed” to be hungry right now? This had zero to do with the mental issues of binge eating: I wasn't trying to mindlessly consume 1000+ calories in one sitting.
At 3:20pm I had a stern talking with myself.
- You're assuming you will be hungry again at 5:30pm. Perhaps you will, or perhaps you won't. Either way, no big deal.
- If you are hungry, you should eat. End of story.
So I ate. And I wasn't hungry anymore.
I know this is such a rudimentary thing – so basic. Yet, I feel like this is another “aha moment” on this long road to healthy living.