These past few weeks, I have been really stressed. I know I've touched on this before: I'm a super type A personality who stresses out about a lot of things, and takes on a ton of projects not ever taking into consideration that I might not have enough time for myself. The result? I'm exhausted (like, completely wiped), my face is breaking out, my psoriasis is flaring up (it's on my scalp and part of my forehead), and I haven't felt as in-control with my healthy choices. Nothing bad, but the exhaustion means I haven't been able to commit to my workouts like I want. Still holding steady in the weight department, thank goodness. It's not good enough for me though. I deserve more, and the only way I'll get more is to grab it myself.
This weekend, I had an entire day that I could devote to fun. No hanging behind the computer all day. No doing housework and stressing out over whatever minutia the day had to offer. Saturday, I got to hang out with See Millie Tri at Churchill Downs. She invited me and my husband months ago to join her and her family at Colonel's Day at the Races (they're Kentucky Colonels). She saw on my 101 in 1001 list that I wanted to go to the Kentucky Derby, and then mentioned this to me. I am so thankful she asked, because she reminded me of something, which I'll get to at the end of this post.
It was a gorgeous day in Louisville. Warm enough to not need coats, but chilly enough to be able to wear my beloved boots. Her family was wonderfully fun, and hubs and I had an awesome time. Melinda racked in the winnings, while I watched my horses bring in the rear for the majority of the time. There was good food, bourbon, sunshine, and laughs.
On the drive back home, I quickly remembered that one of the reasons I started my weight loss journey was to be able to LIVE. Not just “have a heartbeat” live (although that was certainly a motivation), but “go do everything I want to do and not fear my ability to walk, stand, or fit in.” This was a day that reminded me of my blissful jet-skiing “aha moment” last year. I got the same feeling right before I started the half marathon. I also got the feeling last week while I attended the Most Encouraging Kentuckian awards, put on by the same group who puts on the Run the Bluegrass half marathon. I was so proud to be in the same room with a phenomenal group of people who push each other to be better in running and in life.
This little reminder that I have achieved enough to start living is a great nudge to be able to say “no” to things that don't help me reach that goal. The focus is still here. The pounds may not be moving at this moment, but I am certainly living. And that is worth celebrating.
If you've never been nearly homebound and over 455 pounds, saying that going to horse races is “living” might sound like a stretch. But for each step to and from the table, to the parking lot, sitting in the chair without fear, and feeling 100% comfortable in my own skin is an amazing leap from where I started.
On that note, I'm going to take another leap by completing my first sprint triathlon with Melinda in June of 2012 in Naperville, IL. I might even be able to stronghold Emily to do it too! Seriously – how kick ass would that be?