Hello and welcome to another edition of #TransparentTuesday! (Imagine I just read that sentence to you in some crazy announcer voice.) During #TransparentTuesday, we remove the rosy filters of social media and share real life.
This one might cross the TMI line, but I know others gals can relate.
Base image credit: Stephanie GA on Flickr. Text added and color adjusted.
I went to the gynecologist today. Annual exam that wasn't quite on an annual timeframe as I kept rescheduling it. When I was in Montana for work back in July, I frantically noticed I had my exam scheduled (appointment made in 2013) and I was not in the same state. So I set my alarm super early (2 time zones away) to call them the day of and reschedule. I didn't think much of it, but when I saw the rescheduled appointment on my calendar again, I panicked and rescheduled it again. Yesterday (a holiday) I realized that I had rescheduled for today, and it was too late to
wimp out reschedule again. So today I just was a full bundle of dread.
Why the panic? I have pretty good relationships with my general physician, dentist, etc, but for someone I only see once a year, I just get panicky. Today was super panic city. As I posted on Instagram earlier today, this was already my mood:
- Can we just admit that having a stranger down in your lady bits is just uncomfortable?
- I am self conscious of my naked body. I'm working on confidence, and some days are better than others, but the open gown, sheet, and doctor plus assistant in a bright, sterile environment is just a whole lot of exposure.
- Last time I was there, I had an IUD removed. I think it was my 3rd visit to this doctor. Owie.
- I had a concern about one of my boobs. Of course the “C” word was floating around in my head.
- The weight conversation. With doctors I've seen a while and have discussed my medical and weight history, I don't feel attacked or like I have to explain every workout and show them my food diary. You just hear horror stories about this sort of thing, and even though I've yet to experience it in a really severe way, my mind was just NOT in a mood for it today. I had a good workout this morning before my appointment, so I should have had some confidence, but some days it just is a struggle. #honesty
I got there, didn't have to wait long, got weight & blood pressure taken, talked to the nurse, then stripped and waited a few minutes. I just got more and more anxious waiting.
The doctor was warm and friendly, yet very thorough, which is why I chose her a couple of years ago based on others recommendations. We got right down to my boob concern, and after a quick procedure and reassurance that she didn't believe it was anything (got sent to the lab just in case), we moved on to the pap smear. Seriously, probably less than 90 seconds and that part was over. She made sure I had no additional concerns, could tell I was a quiet and asked if I was okay. I assured her I was (seriously, I thought it was just a relief washing through my body that it was over), and I was sent on my way.
So after all that freaking out inside and rescheduling my appointments because I wanted to put it off instead of face it, I was in and out of the facility (including parking) in less than an hour.
Lesson of the day: get in the damn stirrups. I feel so much better now that it's over and hopefully won't have to go back for another year! Plus, it's an important part of overall health.
Can't believe I made such a fuss over nothing.