Hello and welcome to another edition of #TransparentTuesday! During #TransparentTuesday, we remove the rosy filters of social media and share real life.
Between travel and tonsil abscesses and ER visits, I broke my workout streak. Balance and consistency are things I’m working hard on, so the workouts on my calendar felt so good to cross off. Honestly, it’s one of the few areas on my life where I felt in-control. I felt stronger and like I had more endurance. Even when I was traveling and sick, I noticed I wasn’t huffing and puffing as I lugged my bags through the airport and to my car. When you are formerly extremely sedentary that feeling of freedom is something that can’t really be explained. Perhaps people can’t see it on the outside, but I work hard for this body and my fitness.
So breaking the streak sucked. I missed 7 workouts. My brain broke in with thoughts of “you’re lazy and making excuses” and all other sorts of negative talk. It’s pretty shitty to treat yourself to your own negativity. I’d never say that to anyone – why do I allow for myself to both give and receive that message?
Anyway, I got back in the gym and day 1 was just rough. I go to group training classes with people who are amazing and instruct modifications. I felt like I was exerting maximum effort on minimal sets and with lots of modification. So I left feeling defeated, and again saying things to myself like “you shouldn’t have let yourself go. You are a slacker.”
The next class started out feeling like I was covered in cement. But the more I moved, the more I shook the feeling. I left feeling tired, but a little bit of my mojo came back and my asshole-in-my-head voices didn’t come up. I couldn’t walk the next day, but it hurt so good!!!
The next class, I still wasn’t where I wanted to be with everything, but when I was done and one of my trainers said I did a good job and asked if I was feeling better, I replied:
I’M BETTER THAN I WAS YESTERDAY
So the past 3 workouts, I just kept focusing on that. If I started to tell myself I was weak or lament how far I’d fallen after a couple weeks being off, I re-centered and repeated “I’m better than I was yesterday.”
Isn’t this really all we can ask of ourselves? We spend so much time looking at what others are doing without knowing their stories. We talk to ourselves like assholes. We freely give praise and grace to strangers but have no idea how to give it to ourselves. We chase numbers on a scale and sizes on our pants and focus on leaping to some ideal instead of just being better. Madness.
So repeat after me: “I’m better than I was yesterday.”
Now bring it in for a group hug.
PS: I’m headed back to Denver for my most favorite conference of the year, Fitbloggin! If you follow me on Instagram (@authemmie), I’m #SorryNotSorry about all the photos I’ll likely post. I hope to see you there. If you’re at the conference and interested in personal branding, I’m giving a workshop on Friday. Details here.