I've been struggling this week. Not with binging or with exercise – I've done well on both fronts so far this week. I'm struggling with drinking.
It's not what you think.
Back in February, I reflected on my twenties and my desire to celebrate 30 with a bang, as indicated on my 101 in 1001 goals list. With all the fuss over half marathon training and then being exhausted the couple of days after, my 30th birthday came and went. Seriously, like the biggest fizzle ever. It was last week during my binging-and-eating-junk extravaganza. I was locked down in my house in hermit-mode. What an awesome way to start the first days of being 30 *insert mega sarcasm here.*
So this week, I re-started eating with major control. I've started a new training program in the gym. My mood has lifted.
The past couple of days, I found myself daydreaming about the mega 30th birthday party. Although, not so epic – maybe invite people over for poker/board games/karaoke/bad dancing. And of course there would be food and drinks. My inner voice says “but you CAN'T drink. You CAN'T eat anything not on your spreadsheet.” Then I get really sad that this journey is holding me back from having a birthday party.
As you can tell, I have a really hard time with finding the middle ground. Could I have a party without eating and without drinking? Um, yes. Do I think I would be miserable? Um, yes.
This whole debate occurred in my head when I thought about going to Keeneland (it's horse racing time in the Bluegrass!) But I couldn't drink there! Would it even be fun? The whole bourbon and horses combination is kind of a tradition!
No, I'm not an alcoholic. I only drink socially. I do love good beer, wine and champagne though. And bourbon. It helps me stop being such an uptight mess and relax a little and be more social.
Trainer Rob says that food shouldn't be used as a celebration. And intuitively, I get it. But am I wrong for not wanting to measure out my chicken and rice while everyone else snacks on catered tasty treats?
In the end, all of these questions don't matter. It only matters what I choose to do. You or no one else can make decisions for me, so here I sit trying to figure out “right” from “wrong” and how it impacts “fun” versus “boring.”