Thirty-two

.Friday I turned 32. I don’t really mind getting older, but it does put attention on the whole “what do I need to accomplish in the rest of my time on this earth” discussion. Such a light subject, right?? I think the anniversary of my mom’s death being on my birthday week plus changing seasons, cabin fever, and being really busy with work just culminated in a week where I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and cry uncontrollably. I tried unsuccessfully to have a birthday get-together at my house, but when I started asking people I really wanted there to come, they all had reasons they couldn’t. Instead of just taking it as a sign that having a birthday party on spring break is just not the best time, I decided that I was a loser and everyone hates me and I would have to stay home by myself eating cake with my bare hands and drinking Patron out of the bottle all by myself. Thank you, depression. And also thank you, anxiety, for my two panic attacks.

(And no, I did not eat cake with my bare hands or drink Patron out of the bottle by myself. It was a melodramatic sob story my mind made up that did not come to fruition.)

Thankfully, before I spiraled into my deep hole of darkness, I planned on going to Keeneland to see the horses race and to hopefully enjoy the weather. Playing with clothes is always fun, so I played pretty princess and got some photos taken. It cheered me up. Between photos and horses and the absolutely perfect weather conditions – sunny and warm (but not too warm) – I had a great day. (Thanks Townsley for being my +1!)

So now that I’m on the up-and-up, I’ve been thinking about things I want to focus on. I’ve had a whirlwind year with starting and growing my company, struggling with a few binge eating episodes, and battling my never-healing ankle. Such is life. You win some, you lose some, and as long as you live another day, you can work to make things better.

So for thirty-two, I will work to:

Practice gratitude: I want to focus on being grateful for everything I have.
Cherish relationships: Work to surround myself with great people, and let them know how much I appreciate them.
Focus on “why not’s” versus “I can’t’s”
Continue focusing on health, and stop getting so angry at the scale. Big picture thinking.
Seek out and embrace opportunities to push myself out of my comfort zone.

I think 32 is going to be a great year 🙂