I have waffled on this for a few weeks now. And I love how I just made a food reference. I'm hungry. Need to eat a pre-bed snack…
But I digress…
You all have been through my insanity that is my love/hate relationship with The Biggest Loser. I wanted to be on the show. I wanted to be a reality TV star. I wanted to get my ass kicked by Bob and Jillian. When it didn't happen, I was lost. Not because I thought I was a shoe-in, but because I had used that prospect of making it on the show as an out- a complete excuse for not making forward progress all along. Even if you can't relate to me and my insanity with the show, I'm sure you CAN relate to me with being hit with a speed bump and not successfully making it over it.
- “I'll start going to the gym when I lose a little weight from dieting”
- “I have to get through my daughter's soccer season before I can commit to a new fitness routine”
- “I'll sign up for the gym when I get my bonus check”
Whatever the excuses are, we've all made them. A million times over. And over.
So I made this bold deceleration that I was over with the stupid TV show. Then I became insane again when I saw they were casting in Louisville. Trainer Rob talked me down from that ledge.
Then I got a phone call. From The Biggest Loser.
Thankfully, it went to voicemail, so I couldn't go berserk to the casting director on the other end. Before I could check the voicemail, I got the email. From The Biggest Loser.
My first thought was *squee!!!* And then I snapped my ass back into reality and went, “huh, do I really want this?”
They had called to see if I could come to the Louisville call, and they gave me a VIP pass. They flagged my video from last time and wanted to see me. They also asked if my husband would be interested. They think it's going to be a couples season. My dear hubs 1) is the shyest person ever; 2) would never leave his work for that long; 3) has already lost weight and doesn't have nearly the 100 pounds to lose as is a requirement for the show. He might have 50.
They stressed that even if I didn't have a partner, I should come anyway, just in case it ends up being a singles season. In my mind, I've struggled with this every single day. Last week, when I was super stressed, the prospect of me leaving my life for the ranch was enticing. I was ready to start looking for outfits to go in.
The casting call is this Saturday. I had a reminder on my calendar that popped up earlier today about it, and I just chuckled.
Today I feel strong.
Today I know no TV show disguised as a white knight will come and save me.
Today I know without a doubt I'm making progress.
Today I comprehend that my reality is amazing, and that I can do this without leaving.
I will claim victory on my own terms.
So, no trip to Louisville for me. Deleted the message from the casting director. I'm going to write my own script. I don't need the ranch when I have my gym. I don't need Bob or Jillian if I have Trainer Rob. I don't need a television audience cheering me on when I have you. I am strong, and I can will do this.
