Continuing on my little introspective route of writing this week, I began wondering: what is wrong with being proud?
Is it wrong to be proud? Because that's the way I act. I try to shrink any accomplishments and recognition. If I read kudos here or on Twitter, I smile and genuinely mean it when I say “thank you.” Something about being detached from the complimenter means that I have the time to take it, digest it, appreciate it, and feel good.
In person though? I turn into a sea of “thank you… but's” For example:
Nice Person: Congratulations on your weight loss, I love your blog!
Me: Uh, thanks. But it's nothing really.
Nice Person: Yes, it's awesome. I read it all the time and can relate to everything you say.
Me: Yeah, but it's just me talking about myself. There's nothing different about me than anyone else.
Seriously, even just typing it out makes me want to slap myself. I SHOULD do the following during these situations:
Listen
Digest
Appreciate
Thank
Be proud
But I don't want to be seen as boastful. There is a line where pride crosses a threshold into ass-holery. I don't want to go there.
So I shrink and diminish my own accomplishments and don't savor the joy they should bring me. I know that I must change this in order to fully appreciate the path that life is taking me on. I just need to figure out how to master “pride.” I've noticed that since I hit 100 pounds lost, I am starting to be able to open up a little more with my pride, but I have to make a very conscious effort at doing so. It's not that I am not proud of myself, I am. But
Many of you said you identify with denial. Do you identify with this fear of pride? How do you learn to accept and be proud? How does one stop diminishing accomplishments?
Totally unrelated note. I write about these issues because I know I'm not the only one who has them. It's not just a weight struggle, but an everyone struggle. Women's Health Magazine is accepting nominations for a BLOGS WE LOVE feature. If you can identify with my weight loss struggle or just like reading, I would greatly appreciate a nomination here. Wouldn't it be hilarious to see a 350 pound blogger as a favorite blog in the weight loss category? Ok, in all seriousness and in relation to this post, I am SINCERELY thankful to you for reading.
