You know what the worst type of battles are? The ones you have with yourself.
I’m going through a battle royalle of my own right now. Another week has gone by with zero weight loss, and my patience is wearing thin. This battle is between Number-obsessed, Frustrated, Fat-itude Emmie versus Positive, Happy, Fit Emmie.
Here’s how it works:
- Fat-itude Emmie:
- You’re sucking wind at this weight loss thing.
- Who do you think you are to write about getting fit?
- You’re doomed to be this heavy forever.
- Just give into the “fat and happy” stereotype and stop this madness of trying to lose weight.
- Say screw it and eat a large deluxe pizza and some good lager, you know it will feel good!
- Positive, Happy, Fit Emmie:
- This is not a race, you don’t have to be a “weight loss ninja” all the time.
- You feel good and strong in your body.
- You are making positive physical changes with your stamina and strength.
- You’re doing things you never thought you’d be able to do at any weight.
- You are the only person who sets your goals: no one else dictates who you need to be.
I know I’m not alone in this battle, yet I fight it every day in my head lately on my own. So here I write, exposing flaws when I put pressure on myself to produce unicorns and rainbows and happy smiles.
Let’s go with a non-scale victory (NSV) for the past week since the scale victories have been non-existent:
Friday morning, I missed my workout. Friday evening, I decided I was going to swim 1 mile. I hadn’t swam 1 mile since January, where I was very happy for my 52+ minute time. Friday evening, I swam 1 mile in 42 minutes. 10 minutes off my time from January!
In addition to shaving 10 minutes off my time, I got complimented by the master swimmer (masters are like grown-up swim team clubs) next to me on my form, and when I was getting out of the pool, got hit on by someone. I think. I don’t really know what being hit on feels like, but his showers of compliments kind of felt like getting hit on. Creepy, but a non-scale victory nonetheless.
This week, I plan on doing the same thing exercise-wise. Combo of cardio, weights, Zumba, Bikram yoga and my new Friday night special, swimming. I also am going to see my therapist tomorrow to see if I can talk through these mental battles. I will continue to monitor my food, and try to be more conscious of every bite. I thought I was doing well with it, but there’s always room for improvement.