Things aren’t always filled with glitter and unicorns. Yet sometimes I think we all have tendencies to pretend that our lives exist in this perfect snow globe of hope and idealism.
I posted an outfit photo over on my Facebook page and someone commented how great I look in everything. I quickly reminded her that this isn’t the case: I only show the things that I want to be seen. There are lots of awkward lumpy dumpy photos that have never seen the light of day because really, I don’t want to use those to represent my fashion sense.
It’s just not worth pretending like you shit Skittles and smell like cupcakes. With Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and more, we all see the only happy parts of the people in the stories. We think we’re failing if we don’t match what others lives look like. It’s insane.
My goal with this blog has always been to show the ups and downs of trying to find a life beyond being 450+ pounds. I really don’t like that the recent tone of some posts have been about panic attacks and depression, but such is life. The panic and depression had been building up for 6 months and just exploded a couple of weeks ago. It affects my daily activities, self-esteem, workouts, food choices, sleep, and social activities. I was put on a new medicine which made things ten times worse with panic, so I’ve just finished a week of a different medication and can say that I am back to feeling normal. I can’t explain how far down the hole I fell with panic, but the weight of it was awful. Each day this week has been better than the last, and I’m optimistic that I’m getting it all under control again (along with my regular therapy sessions). My biggest fear is falling back into binge eating behaviors and gaining all my weight back.
If you’re looking for kittens and rainbows, this ins’t the blog for you. But if you can hang in there with me while I wade through the years of mess in my mind and body, we can probably learn a lot from each other.
Thanks for being here 🙂