Over the weekend I was going through some old files on my computer, trying to become somewhat organized. While I don’t care to share how poorly my organization efforts turned out, I do want to share something that I found out as a result: I just hit my 2 year fativersary.
Two years ago, I topped the scale at 455 pounds. Before topping out at 455, I had previously topped out at 445 before losing 130 pounds… and then gaining it all back again (plus 10 pounds) after the death of my mom, my wedding and a layoff from a job that I thought was my dream (turns out, it wasn’t).
It might seem odd that I didn’t notice I was in the process of gaining 140 pounds over the next year, but I didn’t. I just ate. Anything and everything. I was a leader of my own car-eating, trash-hiding gang. I called in for curb-side carry out from restaurants where they knew my order and I would tip them well for not mentioning how often I stopped by and for never forgetting the extra sauces and for including 3 sets of plastic wear, fully knowing I only needed 1 set. When not at work, my ass took up permanent residence on an oversized, reclining portion of a sectional in front of our 60″ plasma where my only exercise was the perilous act of shoveling the cheese fries into my mouth without having the extra ranch dressing drip on my shirt.
It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about that girl I used to be. Describing my life in such words used above makes me sick.
I was sick.
The past two years I’ve exercised myself physically and emotionally, fighting back the sometimes crippling urges to revert to those past behaviors that dulled my pain. I shared my experiences here in attempts to help others, and to also convince myself that I am making small steps to becoming a more improved version of myself, and towards meeting my potential. There have been months, particularly earlier on, when I remained stagnant. I teetered on the edge of binging just enough to not start gaining weight back. It was only 1 year ago that I started to exercise, and that one year has allowed me to become a multiple 5K participant and a half marathoner. I’ve made so many friends that I can’t believe I’ve lived without for so long.
In short, I have become an active participant in my life.
Right now, my body is doing some adjusting, and I’m going through yet another lesson in perseverance: learning to embrace the changes I’ve made and continuing to adapt how I must live my life in order to continue my fitness journey. These things I know are true: