My first post for 2013 is going to be free-written, without planning, proofing, pretense, or regard for what people might think. I'm someone who is always hyper-aware of what others are thinking of me, and 99% of the time, I decide that people are thinking negative things about me, without any evidence that they are. This is more of a reflection of the negativity I have about myself than anyone else, and it's exhausting.
Thinking about my weight all the time can be exhausting. I've been thinking about it since I was in kindergarten and the pattern I observed is that the more I overanalyze it, the more I screw up in some way. I lose the actual reasons behind why I'm eating what I eat and why I exercise. I pull an Eeyore and hang my head down with my tail between my legs because it gets overwhelming. Truth be told: I'm making something easy and with good intentions overwhelming because I make it too complicated in my head.
I spent the tail end of 2012 in “last supper” mode, where I could forgive myself for eating pizza and ice cream because I wouldn't allow myself to touch it after 1/1/13. This mentality is pretty indicative of my troubled relationship with food – it's all deprivation or over-indulgence. The spectrum of “good vs. bad” is always around, when it really shouldn't be. I work hard to break these chains and these lines of thinking, and 2013 will be no different.
Thankfully, hitting several moments of mental exhaustion means that I've had a good chuckle and “what the hell” kind of moment. When you can laugh off the insanity you put yourself through, it's easy to become more focused and oddly refreshed. It's like when your computer gets slowed down by all of those temporary files and you need to clear it all to speed things up again. Get rid of the junk.
- I choose to eat what makes me feel good physically and mentally. Not what makes me feel temporarily happy or numb, but what makes my body feel vibrant vs. sluggish and my mind feel awake vs. cloudy.
- I choose to exercise because it makes me feel good physically and mentally. It reduces my physical pain and gives me the endurance I need to live without physical limitations.
I talk a lot about “remembering the why” behind motivation. I also have talked about the awesome opportunity we have for an anytime reset. Let's hit the reset button now. Get rid of the clutter in our minds and the excuses behind why we can't do what we put our minds to. We're stronger together than we are on our own.