I never thought I’d be a second time bride, or have to utter the words “second wedding.” I don’t know of anyone who goes into marriage thinking it might one day end. Yet, so many marriages end in divorce.
The abruptness of the end of my first marriage is part of why I think I took a long time to recover. After the divorce, I swore that I’d never get married again. Maybe I’d date around and have some fun, meet interesting people, and eventually maybe have a long term partner. But the whole, “I do” part seemed like such a waste. It’s easier to undo a serious relationship than to go through divorce.
Yet here I sit, on what would have been my 11th wedding anniversary, writing this post. I’m 6 days away from my second wedding.
When things get stressful with planning and details, a voice pops in my head that yells, “you said you’d never do this again!”
So what changed?
This relationship is different. The guy is different (obviously) and I am different. I took a year off from dating after I got divorced, and in that year I learned a lot about myself. I learned how much I could do on my own, and how I could manage life and things that came my way just fine. While my divorce was a shock, I learned in years since how mediocre life was. We were roommates, in a routine, sharing space but not really sharing life. It was an easy coexistence.
Finding my feet again wasn’t all that easy. I had horrible trust issues. I was dead set on being fiercely independent. I tried to wrap myself in love bubble wrap and shield myself from any form of potential heartache. I was too fragile.
Over time, the scars started to heal and I realized: I have a lot of love to give and deserve the same love in return.
My relationship with Steve also has been far from easy. We lived in different cities, had communication breakdowns, and came to the relationship each with different sets of baggage to work through. Moving in together brought challenges from getting my house ready for sale (it needed quite a bit of work done) and moving to his house while then trying to sell that and move to Louisville. We’ve had our fair share of fights, all of which have made us stronger. We work hard at our relationship.
So why do I want him to be my husband?
First, I know couples can be in successful long term serious relationships without being married. I can’t logically explain why being married to Steve is better than being in a long term, committed relationship with him, besides the standard ease of taxes and insurance?! Other than that, I guess it’s the sentimental/romantic side of me.
When he first told me he’d marry me one day (I wrote about it in our engagement story), I shrugged it off. But the more I thought about it, I realized it’s what I wanted. The seed was planted, and as time passed, I knew more each day that I wanted to be his wife.
Our relationship is much different from my first marriage. We communicate much better, we have a genuine interest in each other’s daily work, share friends, and cheer each other on in whatever our pursuits might be. It’s a great balance of head and heart.
And you know what? Without my first marriage, I wouldn’t have realized what I needed from a partner. I wouldn’t have understood some of my faults. I wouldn’t have realized the strength I had to thrive on my own.
So now, I’m thankful to be a second time bride. I’m thankful for the path (no matter how rocky) it took to get here, and for the clarity it provided me in this relationship, as I head into this marriage.
Other wedding planning posts:
- Our engagement story
- Plus size dress shopping with David’s Bridal
- Save the date reveal with Minted
- The bridal body myth – my frustrations with the lack of plus size brides in wedding magazines, blogs, and vendor sites. This is a daily frustration – so much so that I think “I need to write about this!” only to realize I already have.
- 3 month countdown, and why this has been a much different process than expected
- 3 weeks to go