This week has been insanity for me, and I'm so ready for the weekend! I read this article earlier in the week and bookmarked it to share here because I read it with tears going down my face (and not wearing waterproof mascara- mistake). It is from Richard Simmons. I don't care if you think he's awesome or he's whack-a-doo, in order to get the rest of this post, you'll need to read it. So, clicky clicky. I'll wait.
You know what is freaking awesome to realize?
I'm not going to die.
At least not anytime soon (God forbid), and at least not by complications from my size. I won't be a Rose, Tommy, or Sarah as Richard spoke about.
Richard said he woke up from his dream with these thoughts in context to those who had passed:
“…what else could I have done? What more could I have said? Did I fail them?”
What if you tweaked this a little bit and said this aloud, after it's too late:
“…what else could I have done? What more could I have said? Did I fail ME?”
Could I have tried harder, been smarter, or take little actions to help? Could I have simply said to someone: “help me?” Did I fail myself?
Listen – I know many of you all have never experienced the weight, mobility issues, or emotional issues I have. Even so, I think everyone can relate. We can all try our best and correct course as we need to. We can always ask for help, no matter what we're struggling with. We can always say YES to ourselves. Many of us are so focused on doing everything else but helping ourselves that we end up bearing the impact of choosing them over us.
This week I'm readjusting course once again. I'm not saying “yes” to everything and I'm clearing my calendar. Family and friend dramas will have to just figure themselves out. I am not saying yes to any more volunteer opportunities this year. I'm not volunteering myself for extra work. At some point, we must replenish ourselves of what we've given away to others.
When I started this journey 113 pounds ago, I chose to focus on me. Stalls, injuries, emotional setbacks: they're all minor. Every day my life gets a tiny bit healthier, and with each step, I am choosing to live. Thank you Richard for the reminder.
Edited to add this photo from Halloween, 2006. I went as “Mrs. Federline” – darn Britney for going all “normal” again! This is the closest I've been to Richard Simmons, with friend Blake.