I feel like throughout my entire life, I’ve operated at the opposite sides of the same spectrum: Deprivation and overindulgence.
With food, I have historically operated really well on things that are really restrictive. No carbs. No sugar. No fat. 500 calories. Give me a super strict regimen and I can follow it… for a time.
On the other side, I am really good (if you can call it that) at overindulging. Having binge eating disorder meant being able to consume thousands of calories in one meal, consistently. At meals, I’ve struggled with NOT clearing my plate, no matter the quantity on it. I also fight the urge every meal to go get a second helping.
Neither of these things are sustainable. Neither of them make me feel good about myself (except no sugar – that makes me feel good). I feel like I’m constantly searching for the middle ground. I know what the middle ground should be – fresh meat, seafood, and veggies without pesticides or hormones. Freshly prepared and not pre-packaged. I feel great when I exist in this middle ground, but I can’t ever seem to find solid footing. I lean too far one way or the other and fall over. Think of it as a child learning to ride a bike without training wheels. It’s quite wobbly and you can’t succeed unless you find your center.